It's Been a Wild Six Months!

 Where to start, my goodness!  

It's been six months since I moved to the great state of Texas, and boy! what a journey!  Well, it's been an interesting adventure so far.  Actually, I just got done doing my taxes and I figured that while I'm at the library, I should post an update as internet at home has not been high on my priority list.

I'm still driving for those two main rideshare companies and I must say that everyday spent driving in Texas is a grand new adventure.  I live in a moderately small town in central Texas.  I really it is central to all four major Texan cities, Austin being the closest at an hour away.  Houston about three hours, Dallas just over two hours, and San Antonio about two hours in the other direction (an hour past Austin).  I've had trips to all four and as an added bonus, a trip from Austin to Corpus Christi last week.  Actually, I spent an hour or so at Ocean Side eating lunch and admiring the water.  Below is a picture of the USS Lexington, a decommissioned aircraft carrier.  I sent pictures to my dad who loved them according to my stepmom.

I still don't have much of a social life as I have become a severe workaholic over the years.  I had met a few interesting people through various dating apps, but nothing solid, except for a guy who lives four hours away.  I know, I don't like long distance friendship/relationships either, but he is worth it.  For the purposes of this blog, I'll refer to him as the Feral Metalhead or FM for short. He's actually like a male version of me, with only minor differences in some things.  And, while he is far from me (but at least in the same state), being able to visit him makes my days bright, my heart sing, and for a short time, all is right with the world again.  I try to visit anytime I'm near Dallas, which surprisingly, happens more than you might think.

My first winter in Texas has me wondering about reality.  I've never been in a place where it was 85 degrees on New Year's Day, or 65-80 degrees in the middle of winter.  We have had a few stints of super cold weather, just like the rest of the country, but I never thought Texas got so cold as -6 with a wind chill factor.  We also had some really disturbing ice on the roads a while back.  I came out to my car and there was a quarter inch encasing my entire car.  I'd never seen anything like it before.  Come out to three or four inches of snow on my car?  Sure, but ice like this...never seen before.  I wish I had taken pictures because it was fabulous.  For the most part, though, I have spent the entire winter wondering if I should put my summer clothes away or keep them close at hand.  I decided to put them in the closet instead of the garage. I actually wore shorts yesterday (FEBRUARY 22)!!  It's enough to throw anyone's internal clock into chaos.

I've filled my time watching tv shows that my mom gave and lent to me.  One can only spend just so much time in front of a television before going bonkers, so I've also finally started using my sewing room that I set up in my second bedroom when I moved here.  I've made various little crafts and things like that, but I'm proud of the dragon that I finally finished.  I started it when I still lived in Boise, and I think it's the best one yet.  I have grand plans of building inventory so that I can have a booth a various craft shows and conventions, but my attention span for crafting lasts a few days, and then I get bored for a few weeks.  Well, maybe not bored but frustrated, I guess.  

I had considered taking today off because of the extensive amount of trips I'd taken to long distances the last several days, but the workaholic in me has decided that it is not conducive to getting debt paid if I sit on my rear and do nothing all day.  

Raven is coming to visit again during Spring Break.  It happens to be the first week of April for her this year and we are taking a road trip!  The Vile One is planning on coming with, and I'm okay with that.  Even he needs a vacation once in a while, I suppose.  ;)  I know she is excited because she will get to visit one of her BFFs from Idaho and we will happen to be in that city the day before her friend leaves to lands across the sea.  I am excited because I will get to visit at least one friend from Nashville.  I cannot wait!  Hopefully, there is an all ages concert that we might attend while we are there.  

Neither Raven nor I have ever visited this region of the country (I can't speak for the Vile One), and we are very ready for this adventure.  More on that as the time comes.  I can say that I already have all the hotels booked, and I'm just waiting for the $$.

As far as my absolute personal life, I will say that I have been very lonely.  I am always content to be alone, but sometimes I want someone to be alone with.  The Feral Metalhead has really filled the void and even though we do live somewhat far apart, we chat everyday and thank goodness for Snapchat.  I don't really go out much locally.  I have spent a good many evenings in Austin going to concerts (3 in one week just after I moved here!), but I haven't really gotten to explore Austin as a city and what it has to offer.  I know it has a lot, though!  I can't wait to go to the bat bridge and watch the bats, or go to Zilker park for any number of events.  Sure, I could work them as a driver, but all work and no play, you know....

Speaking of concerts, I have tickets for at least five shows between now and September, and I'm looking forward to all of them.  Nearly all of them are on my bucket list, including the opportunity to see Gary Numan as I was unable to attend his show in Boise.  He's playing with Ministry and Frontline Assembly soon.  I'm super stoked.  

I suppose that I should get off my lazy butt and out of the library.  Doing my taxes gives me indigestion, and I hate doing them.  Maybe I'll feel better if I go out and make some money instead.  

The First Five Days...The Adventure Begins....

 I had a plan.  A plan that was going to take five days after I arrived.  Arrived where you ask?  Here's a hint:

Most of you know what I do for a living, but in case you forgot, it involves driving around all day listening to music and taking people where they want to go, safely.  (By the way, I swear if another driver decides to cut me off on the freeway or anywhere else, I'm going to scream!)

So, in order to ensure that I could continue working, I needed three things:

1. Texas insurance

2. Texas car registration

3. Texas driver's license.  

Yeah... about that.  Scoured the website for the Texas DPS (DMV to you outside this state) to see about getting an appointment.  Earliest anywhere near us (my mom and me) isn't until the middle of October.  My license expires on my birthday THIS year, which is at the end of August. So.... what to do, what to do.  I rescoured the website and found a small town that had an appointment ON MY BIRTHDAY.  Karmatic, yes?  So, I snatched up the ONLY appointment they had that day, which thankfully is in the afternoon.  Why, you ask?  Because the town is over 3.5 hours away from my mom.  Ouch!  But at least I will get the deed done before it expires. Phew!

I already got my Texas insurance before I got here, but not before realizing that my rates more than tripled.  That's okay for now.  At least I know I'm more than covered for my work as well as play.  

Now, about my car's registration.  I had to have my car inspected AND tested for emissions.  Those of you not from here are probably scratching your heads at that.  Well, there are only a few counties that test for emissions and the one I'm going to be living in is one.  On the plus side, it only costs $7 for the entire inspection!  Not only that, but the very nice lady at the shop sent me on my way for FREE!  Yeah, I really need to get that Yelp review written. They really were very nice.

My car passed, but she did recommend several things, most of which I was aware, but one I was not.  the driver's side rear plate light is out.  No big deal.  I'll fix it soon.  I also need my radiator flushed, the transmission fluid replaces, among a few other things that I can't recall at the moment.  Yeah, my car just turned 140,000 miles so yeah, I'm gonna need a few things.  I also need new spark plugs, but that's for another time.

So, we get to the annex to get my car registered.  The very nice lady asked for my current registration.  Well, duh!  I went out to the car to get it and that's when I realized that I didn't have it!  I had last years, but not this year's.  I must have accidentally thrown it out when I cleaned out my glove box several weeks ago.  😓  We ended up having to leave because I couldn't find it right then.

Did that stop me from freaking out?  Well, no.  I freaked out a lot.  The stress of this move has been the heaviest out of any moves I have ever made, and this wasn't helping.  Did that stop me from finding a solution?  Of course not!

When I finally calmed down enough to think clearly, I realized that I had a picture of my registration on my phone, or so I thought.  I had to upload a picture of the registration in order to continue my work as a driver, so I must be there on my phone.  Yeah, about that... it must have been accidentally deleted at some point because it wasn't there.  Just a screenshot of my insurance card from six months ago.

WTF!?!  I knew I had to have it somewhere.  That's when the major lightbulb went on.  There was a picture of it in ONE of me rideshare apps.  (Sorry, I'm not saying which one.)  I took a screenshot then cropped it out.  I lightened up the picture and my mom printed it out.  I prayed to every being you could think of that this would be enough.  Otherwise, I was going to have to jump through even more hoops just to get one simple thing done.  And yes, for those that know me, it isn't like me not to have my registration/insurance card in my glove box.  I must be having one of those "senior moment" things or something.

There weren't any appointments for Wednesday, so I went in on Thursday and got a really nice lady that didn't even bat an eye when I handed her my printed registration. There was a lot of typing on her end and a lot of nervous chatter (though one couldn't tell, I'm just that awesome!) on my end and a moderate amount of time later, I walked out of the annex with plates and sticker in hand.  Here they don't give you stickers to put on your plates.  They give you one to put on your windshield, kind of like a park pass.  I suppose it helps prevent people from stealing them off of the plates.  

So, now I only have to wait to get my license before it expires.  I'll try to walk in every day after Tuesday, but the odds of me getting an appointment the same days are slim to none.  It's okay.  I got everything transferred to the apps although I'm waiting on one, but I'm gold for the other.

Why Tuesday, and not Monday, you ask?  

Because I was supposed to get the keys to my duplex today (Friday), but I got a call yesterday from the property management.  They informed me that the new flooring wouldn't arrive until today and would I mind waiting until Monday to get my keys.  I told them no problem as long as I would be refunded the three days of rent for a place I hadn't taken possession of yet.  So, I'm staying with my mom and stepdad for the weekend, but really it's okay as far as I'm concerned.  

The only downside is that I had to go to the place where they set up the Water/Sewer/Trash (which had to be done IN PERSON, and get them to change the date.  That wasn't an issue.  They minor setback was when I went in on Tuesday to get it set up in the first place. 

I had brought my lease with me.  My mom printed it out.  She's been an amazing help during this whole thing.  When the lady behind the glass looked at it, she noticed that the property manager hadn't signed it, not even an e-sign.  I began to panic.  Without it, I couldn't get my W/S/T put into my name.  I calmed down (as I usually do) and rechecked my email. Apparently, the document had updated itself AFTER I downloaded it the first time.  The nice lady behind the glass merely asked for a screenshot of the signature page so I did that and emailed it to her.  Voila!  W/S/T set up.  And then changed, in person, for the new date which is THIS Monday.  I'm so stoked!

While I was waiting for the first three things to be taken care of, I decided to do some deliveries with one of the other apps.  My first delivery didn't go very well.

I accepted the order, which happened to be from an awesome convenience store that I hadn't seen since I lived in Nevada (they don't exist in Boise).  I picked up the order then proceeded with the delivery. 

Until I got to one of the many gates of..DUNDUNDUN... Fort Hood.  Now, I knew that I would be in the vicinity of a military base, however, I didn't know that I wasn't going to be able to get onto the base without a pass. I was given information on how to get a pass, then immediately turned around by a rather adorably cute soldier.  Needless to say, the soldier waiting on his order wasn't going to get it by the appointed time. 

I just about gave up, but you know me.  Relentless. Stubborn.  I called the app support and told them what happened.  They said it was okay and to proceed with me day.  I asked her if there was any way to get onto the base and she actually told me that I was supposed to cancel those orders if they couldn't meet me outside the base. 

That didn't sit well with me, so I went to the visitor's center, like the nice soldier told me and it took all of two minutes for me to get a pass that technically would have been good for 90 days, but since my license expires soon, it's only good until then.  I can get another one after I get my new one.  So, now I'm free to get onto the MASSIVE base anytime I have a delivery, or a person pick up or whenever. And believe you, me, I was on the base a lot that first day of deliveries.  I learned many things about delivering on the base that day.   

I drove my first people today.  My second trip even took me into Austin from Killeen, and I couldn't have been happier.  Not just because the fare was worth it, but because the lady and her son were so nice when I told them that I'd just moved there.  I got a lot of valuable information on places to visit, restaurants to try (or avoid) among other things.  I mean, we were going to be in the car together well over an hour.  Might as well, get the conversation going.

I even ended up going to the Austin airport with four very nice ladies who helped me avoid as many tolls as possible. Out of the massive amounts of tolls I could have accrued, I actually only accrued less than $3.  The passengers pay for the tolls, so it comes as no surprise that they would want to avoid as many as possible.  That was a very memorable journey.

It's the end of day five here in Texas, and I'm still just as excited as I was when I arrived on Monday.  I'll be even happier once I get the keys to my new place and can finally settle into a routine.  I'm looking forward to exploring all that the area has to offer.  And believe me, there's more than I can write here, even in Killeen.  

I'm sure I probably forgot to say something, but really, you've read this far, why bore you with other things?

The Horrible Past and the Adventure of New

I'm sure this will be the most soul-bearing post I have ever made, but I promised I would write a few weeks ago, and haven't had the chance yet.  Here goes...

As I am sure we all have felt at one time or another, I have felt like a horrible human being, and a bad mother.  Actually, I there have been some who have caused me to feel this way.  As often as I have said to Raven and to others that words only have as much power as one gives them, words still have a way of stinging sometimes.

I rarely ever talk about my second child.  She was taken from me then eventually adopted out as I thought the family could give her a much better life than I ever could.  As true as that might have been, I was not prepared for the backlash that eventually came my way.  

Just after I moved back to Boise, I had the opportunity to go to my son's Naval bootcamp graduation in Illinois.  I was so excited and proud that he had made it!  The ceremony was amazing, however before it actually started, I got a phone call from HER.  

Apparently, the girl was having trouble at home and wanted to come live with me.  Because I have a family first attitude, of course I said yes.  The ceremony continued and I spent the day with my son exploring Chicago.  

Later that weekend, before I left for Boise, I got another call from HER stating that the girl didn't want to come live with me after all.  I told HER that I wanted to hear that from the girl, but she refused.  I ended up going to pick up the girl after I got back.  She stayed with me for a while, but then things got weird.

I thought it would be a wonderful idea to help her get to know her birth father as he and I were friends on Facebook.  Of course, she was unsure of what to say to him, but after a bit they were talking on chat and the phone all the time.  Eventually, I became ignored, neglected and she and I didn't have much to say about anything.  She wanted to move to where he lived.  What was I going to do, say no?  She was an adult and capable of making her own choices, making her own mistakes.

I drove her up.

Without getting into too much more detail, there was a lot of issues, and eventually I found out that SHE went up there to get the girl.  And wasn't happy about it.  Not my concern.  SHE didn't have to go up there.  But, because I was the one who took the girl up, I was the one blamed for everything.  I was called a bad mother, irresponsible, and things like that.  I even received a random message from one of the girl's adopted relatives (an aunt or something) telling me who horrible of a person I was for letting the girl go live with her dad and stepmom.  I should have known that something would happen (nothing did), and I should never have been allowed to have children in the first place.  I was told that the girl will need a massive amount of therapy after what I allowed her to do.  

Tell me that I didn't feel like killing myself over that.  I have spent four years trying to get over the feeling that I was a horrible person for letting her go up there. I just have to remember that I I wasn't the one who raised the girl.  I was just trying to help and do what I felt was right.  

Fast forward to a few weeks ago...

Raven told me that she wanted to go and live with her dad after the current school year ends.  It's a different scenario, but I can tell you that I had immediate flashbacks to the girl and the trouble that ensued.  We talked to Raven's dad and made agreements and plans and there have been assurances, so this is very different than four years ago.

It didn't stop me from crying for four days thinking that I was again a horrible mother and a truly bad person for allowing yet another daughter to go live with their dad.  I really felt like dying at that moment.  If not for a friend who told me how it really was, and gave me encouragement and sound advice, I might not still be with this world.  Also taking to Raven really helped as she assured me that I wasn't a bad mom or a bad person because she wanted to move.

I have had a lot of time to think about the rest of this year and what it will entail.  And, as I think about it more, I am more excited to embark on this new adventure.  Oh, I didn't mention?  After Raven goes to live with her dad, there will be nothing keeping me here.  I am moving out of state to be closer to my mom.  For the first time in a while, I am looking forward to moving.  This will be move #65 in my life and while I am getting a bit tired of moving, I have always enjoyed the adventure of new.

Am I concerned for Raven's move? No.  

Do I think that Raven will come back to me one day and blame me for letting her go, like the girl did?  No.  Raven and I have talked about that.  We plan on talking every day and I will make darn sure that I am there for her high school graduation, among other things.  

What I can say is that I will never allow anyone's words to hurt me so much ever again. While I know I'm not perfect, I know I'm not a bad person, or a bad mother. 

Think of me how you will.  Those words will never hurt me again...

An Update of Healing and New Beginnings

 It's been a while since I wrote last, and I always end up apologizing, whether it be here or in my handwritten diary.  Yes, I keep a handwritten diary and have been since 1986.  Yes, I'm old.  I keep the truly personal things in the handwritten diary.  You can read them after I'm gone, which won't be for a long while yet.

But for now, I have a lot to write about.  I have thankfully recovered from my car accident.  The ribs healed, and I was able to start sleeping on my bed again, albeit very painfully at first.  It was another month before I was able to sleep more comfortably, but now it is like the accident never happened.  However, I still have flashbacks and I am very protective of my left side when I drive.  I have driven by the intersection where the accident occurred on several occasions and I wonder to myself how it was that I survived.  

I did, and that is what matters.

I ended up replacing my beautiful Sentra with, get this, a 2016 Nissan Versa Note.... exactly like the one I traded my in for my Sentra in the first place.  A bit of irony there if I ever heard it.  That was a short-lived car adventure.  But, a rocky one.  No, I wasn't in another accident.

This car I bought from a dealership in Boise, and I'm not going to name names, but I will NEVER buy another vehicle from that place ever again.  Before I had even made my first payment on it, it was beginning to stall out on me.  It did it on Halloween, but I thought nothing of it at the time as I was taking Raven and a few of her friends to beg for candy.

It did it again a few days later, and I took the car to the service department of the dealership.  They told me that they couldn't even look at it because they didn't have the correct hookup to check the check engine light.  Well, there was no check engine light to be seen anyway and they told me that there wasn't anything they could do.  So, I went on with life.  

The Versa continued to stall intermittently and I got to the point where I was thinking it was the transmission.  Nissans are notorious for their bad transmissions. The transmission place couldn't find anything wrong.  Go figure.

A few more months went by and it was getting worse. One of my now ex friends convinced me that I needed to take it to his mechanic so reluctantly, I did.  The mechanic had my car for two days (two days which I was now out of work again) and only managed to recreate the issue once.  Everything he tested came out fine.  He basically told me that I had a gremlin in the car and the best option would be for me to take the car back and get something else.  Seriously?!

I wasn't going to do that, not when I had only had the Versa for such a short time.  So, I went along.  The last time I had the Versa's oil changed they Nissan dealership told me that my battery had failed their test.  Well, that was strange as my car never failed to restart after stalling.  But, if the battery was failing, it was worth changing.  Nothing something I wanted to do, but it had to be done.  Oh, the dealership said they could change it out for $200.  Yeah, I told them they were smoking crack.  

I went to the auto parts store nearest to my house.  I explained to the manager what was going on and he said he wanted to retest it.  He brought out the tester machine and hooked it up to the car.  All tests turned out to be positive, at first.  I told him that either he or the dealership was lying.  He went back inside to look at the specs of the battery for this car and did a retest.  It turned out the the batter only had a quarter of life left.  That was probably the reason why the battery failed the dealership test.  So, I bought a new battery and the manager installed it himself!  All for only $140.  Suck it, dealership!

I really and truly thought that would have been the end of my woes with the Versa stalling out intermittently.  Not only did it not solve the issue, it began to happen more frequently.  Talk about frustrating.  Finally, after a day of several stalls, I decided then and there to take it back to the dealership and rant and complain until they did something about it.

And, they did.  They traded in my Versa for a 2014 Toyota Corolla.  They made it so that I didn't have to put any money down on it, because I told them I wasn't going to do that and they'd better make this right or else.  My payments are a little bit more than what I wanted, but that's because I was talked into a service package which I think will be okay.  I don't really feel comfortable taking my car to their service department, but my deductible is only $100 when I need something fixed.  Except for my stereo's touch screen apparently. 

I hope you have the time to read all of this ranting...

When I was looking at the car at the dealership, I noticed that the bottom row of the touchscreen did not appear to be working.  The salesman said that I would be able to control the touchscreen with buttons on the steering wheel. I blindly accepted that.  Yeah, that's not how this works. At all.

I got it home on that Friday and called the salesman and explained what was going on.  I had done research after I got home and it appears that the touchscreen fails more often than not on these cars.  Well, he didn't believe me and asked me to bring the car into the shop the next day.  Which I did.

He had said that he knew the trick to getting my phone hooked up to the Bluetooth, which was the ONE thing that I told him I absolutely needed in my car so that I could work properly.  When I got there, he discovered what I had already told him, that the bottom row of the touchscreen was dead.  He did a quick lookup online of things I had already tried, and by this point I was pissed off.  Why do guys think that just because I am a woman I am automatically wrong and stupid?

He told me that he worked with someone who used to work for Toyota and that he would have him call Toyota and see if there was a work around or some sort of other way to fix it.  I was supposed to get a call LAST Monday. A week ago.  I heard nothing.  On Tuesday I happened to find myself right around the corner of the dealership so I stopped by.  Big surprise, he wasn't working so I left a scathing message for him to call me.  Wednesday came and went, no call. 

Obviously not a pic I took. :)

Thursday came and I decided that the asshole salesman wasn't going to call me back, so after I got done working I decided to check out the local audio install place.  So, this Saturday I am having my entire stereo replaced with something every more awesome than anything I could have imagined and I'm having a 10" sub installed in my trunk.  I know, it's going to be obnoxious as hell but in my opinion, way worth it, and at least I'll get what I want.  Not to mention a new USB port that will hopefully work properly.  The one on the Toyota wasn't working very well at all and would only read a few songs out of 5000.  That's okay.  Everything will be fixed and working properly THIS Saturday.  I'm so excited!

I had tried dating a bit more after the accident.  One guy I even moved in with and that was a disaster beyond anything I had ever experienced.  Suffice it to say that I really needed to rethink about aspects of my life at that point.  There were a few others after that, but truly, none of them were what I really wanted in a partner, and so I decided to give up on looking for love again.

I was <<<<this>>>> close to moving to Texas to be near my mom.  I even had all my stuff in storage and we were ready to move when a female friend of mine called me up and said that Raven and I could move into her 3-bedroom duplex with her.  So far, things are working okay.  I haven't had to have a roommate in a very long time and there are some things that I am not happy with, but they are small and I have just learned to live with them.  Otherwise, things are going well.  Raven seems to be happy in her own room again.  

I have been active on an app called Cuddle.  It's not what you think.  It's like an audio only version of Twitch.  I'm an official host there and I stream a lot.  Mostly music.  If you want more info, download the Cuddle app and come find me.  UID 1085235  Cuddle has been keeping me very busy and honestly, I prefer it to sitting alone at home feeling sorry for myself and why I can't seem to find love.  Cuddle is not a dating app, but people try to use it as such.  

Although, I have been talking to this one guy.  He's an interesting fellow from the East Coast.  We talk daily and honestly, I fall asleep in his ear more often than not.  He doesn't seem to mind, but we do talk in the evenings.  He's quite funny, smart, and well put together. He's also a tell-it-like-it-is kind of guy which makes him come off as being an asshole sometimes, but I know better.  He's just a huge teddy bear. I know there can never be anything between us other than friendship as I do not believe in long distance relationships, but he's a great friend and we've gotten to know each other fairly well over the last few months.  

I'm getting ready to take a three week road trip.  Down to visit my mom, over to pick up Raven from here dad's house then up to visit my dad.  It's going to be fun.  Sorry I'm being vague, but you know, too much information could be detrimental to my health.  LOL

I suppose that other than that, there's not much to tell.  I've been working since before I probably shouldn't have, but I needed to continue making money.  And, work has been very busy and therefore good to me.  I really can't complain.  I still overprotect my left side and I still have flashbacks once in a while, but they are becoming fewer and less intense.  I suppose that is part of the healing process.  And, I know it will take time.  It's the worst accident I've every been in and I've been in a few.  

I am not sure there is anything else to say.  I might get back to you after I see how awesome my new stereo system is. And not a moment too soon!  I can't be on that road trip for three weeks without proper music!

Nothing Ever Seems to Happen....

 ...until now.  The Universe seems to take away things just when I start to be happy.  It really isn't fair and makes me wonder why I try at all to reach happiness.

And the last few weeks have been filled with things that have turned my life into one big ball of chaos and pain.  

First, I thought I'd finally found someone whose crazy matched mine.  We had a great first date and later on that week we went, with Raven, to see a concert and I thought we had a great time.  After, though, he stopped returning my texts and messages.  Yes, I got the message, but I already have abandonment issues, and I really wanted to know why he did that.  

Fast forward to a few days after that.  I was working in the morning.  It was a day like most others.  I picked up a passenger and then I was struck.  By an SUV.  I will admit to the accident being my fault.  I though we were at a four-way stop and it wasn't.  I stopped, and I looked, but that SUV came out of nowhere and struck us broadside.  We spun out of the intersection and into the field on the corner.  I can still see the headlights in my driver side window moments before and I will never doubt anyone with PTSD (not that I really did anyway).  

I was in pain.  Lots of it, not knowing that I had fractured two of my back ribs.  My passenger, who was sitting in the back seat behind the passenger side, thank goodness, ended up with lower back pain, but otherwise I think undamaged.  We rode together in the same ambulance to the emergency room.  I never saw her after that.

I tried to call the guy in the first paragraph.  I left a message and he never answered.  I knew he was off that day, so not answering and not calling me back was a sure sign that our very short acquaintanceship was definitely over.  I couldn't believe that he wouldn't even call me back to find out if I was okay.  

I did manage to find a friend to pick me up and I felt bad because I was a half hour away, at least, from where she lived.  Actually, I had a lot of friends offer me rides, and caring words.  I really needed those at that point. And one of my friends, who I love to the end of the world and back, set this up for me.  If you are able, please help out.  If not, would you mind sharing?  

I was frightened, in pain, and worried about Raven, who was at home, alone, in school.  Needless to say that she was concerned for me when I was able to get in touch with her.  

I called my mom as well.  There was nothing she could do being several states away, but I felt that my family should know.  I didn't call my dad until a few days after I got home.  Which was later that same day I was admitted.  After all, there is nothing anyone can do with fractured ribs.  You just suck it up, buttercup.

Sleeping has been quite difficult.  The fractured ribs are in the back so laying down is impossible.  I tried it the first night I was back.  Nope.  I've had to sleep sitting up on my loveseat, which is not that comfy to begin with.  It's been that way for just over a week now, and I cannot seem to get any real sleep.  I will try again tonight to sleep in my own bed, but chances are good that it will not work out. 

Because I have had to sleep sitting up, my legs have become swollen.  I am hoping that the more active I get, the less swollen they will become, but it is getting to the point of leg pain, and that's never good for anyone.  The emergency room doctors suggested that I schedule a follow-up visit with a clinic to make sure that I'm healing okay.  I might just do that and see if they can give me any other advice for ridding myself of the swollen legs and ankles.  

A different friend gave me a ride out to the tow yard to get pictures of my car.  I should have gotten my stuff right there, but I was still in excruciating pain and wasn't thinking straight.  I did get my delivery bags, because hey, I've got to get back to work at some point, right?  I about fainted when I saw the damage to my car.  To say I got broadsided would be an understatement.  At least to me.  The damage was extensive, and one of the several people I spoke to about my car did say he was surprised that I only ended up with the minimal amount of bodily damage that I did.  (Easy for him to say..lol)  I do know that I am very lucky to have walked away.

I did go out today to a different yard to pick up the rest of my things.  I had a very difficult time looking at my car.  And, it was only then that I looked at the damage on the inside.  Yes, I was very lucky.  I thought that someone might have taken my bags and the string of black lights that I kept on the back seats, but thankfully I found them in the trunk after I lowered the back seat.  The trunk itself had been sealed off with tape to keep it closed.  

I would say that the best part about the last few weeks is all the support that my friends and family have shown me.  Without them, I am not sure where I would have ended up.  There was talk about us moving in with my mom, but as much as I would have been okay with that, the move in itself would have been way more than I could handle alone right now.  I am currently looking for a new job as driving right now, while not out of the question, is giving me some serious pause, and that's not a good state of mind to be in.  

The next best part of the last few weeks was being able to attend a concert with my daughter who was super excited to see Strangelove (a Depeche Mode tribute band) and The Electric Duke (A David Bowie tribute artist).  She danced and sang along with the songs she knew.  At one point during The Electric Duke, they were having a slight tech issue so to fill the dead air, he told this joke:  "What's brown and sticky?" and without missing a beat, Raven yelled out "A STICK!"  and he looked at her, smiled and said that she knew what's what.  :)  That was so awesome.  I don't think I'll forget that night for a while.  I even danced quite a bit, and sadly, that will be my last dancing for a few months at least.

I am really upset about everything that has transpired over the last few weeks, but I do know this.  I will survive.  I did survive.  And then there is always this:

So, I stay reminded that most of my life has been spent being knocked down, but yet, here I am getting back up once more.  How many more times am I going to have to get back up from being knocked down?  The Universe is not playing fairly. But at least I am not completely alone....

2020 Update

This year was not quite what I expected it to be.  It was supposed to be there year of 2020 vision, which thanks to Lasik surgery, I got.  I ended up having to have my right eye redone, but all in all, I see very well now without glasses.  And oh, how my sunglasses collection has grown.

I'm not going to go through all the ways in which the Covid-19 pandemic has screwed me over because honestly, I haven't been that much affected by it.  In fact, I have been able to make more money this year than ever simply because of what I do, delivery for a restaurant downtown and driving for Uber/Lyft.  I will say that while the city was in quarantine, I delivered a great amount of food and I am grateful everyday that I did not have to go on unemployment.  I have a few friends that did and my heart goes out to them greatly.  

Let's see...what else has happened so far this year.  Not a whole lot, really.  I've been taking the time to get my debt paid down.  I've been working on my credit score and I'm trying to get things together to try to buy a house.  It isn't easy when one's primary income is based on self-employment and tips.  I might have to wait until next year.  *sigh*  maybe it will never happen.  I'm also planning on moving to Texas after Raven graduates high school to be closer to my mom.  Who knows what will change in that time.

Other than that, nothing much has changed.  I did stop the tap lessons about two months after I started.  My ankles just couldn't handle the pressure.  I bought a harmonica at the beginning of this year, but I haven't played much.  I've actually become something of a workaholic this year.  I'm just trying to hard to get the debt monkey off my back.  One day I'll be able to calm down a bit, and perhaps one day not drive for the other guys so much, but today is not that day.

Resolutions and Personal Evolution

Well howdy out there!

I find myself sitting in the library today waiting on Raven to finish whatever she's drawing.  She is definitely getting better at drawing, for sure.

I wanted to talk about my New Year's resolution for a moment.  This year, instead of saying that I want to lose weight or eat healthy, or any of those other things that never stick for more than a week, this year I decided that I am going to learn something new.  Something major.  Like a language or something like that.  And while I still plan on possibly pursuing learning a new language, for now I have taken up tap dancing.

Not my feet, but will be one day...

Yep!  I've always wanted to learn, and I decided that this year would be the year.  I have plans for after I've gotten good enough.  I found the beginner adult class through www.boiselearns.org.  If you live in the Treasure Valley, definitely check out some of these classes.  There are hundreds, which are all amazing.  I may even take up the beginner welding class. I dunno yet.

The class is only four weeks, and the last class in this week, but I've decided that I enjoy it so much that I'm going to continue.  The classes are inexpensive in the grand scheme of things, and I really need to do this.  Side effects might be: weight loss, improved energy, and knowing that I've crawled out of my comfort zone to learn something new and meet new people.

This one's short, as I'm being pulled away because Raven finally finished whatever she was drawing.
More to come.....

Halloween and Driving

Not a lot has happened since I wrote last, however, I am here killing time before beginning the afternoon.  After an exhausting round with a driving company, to which I will not name here, I finally got my credentials switched over.  Yesterday I had my windshield replaced (thank you, mom!) and I am able to get back on the road and make some money.  Granted, this option is not my first choice, although because my last employer left me in such a terrible position, I need this in order to keep my head above water.  It is also flexible enough so that when the email comes in that states the appointment date of my polygraph test, I won't have to disappoint another company by saying that I can't come in because of an appointment.

All I need is a full tank of gas and a car wash/vacuum.  I detailed the inside of my car, who we lovingly call Sentaura, by wiping down all the areas where dust had accumulated.  Dashboard, gear shifter, baseboards, etc.  She looks like a new car!  Well, she is, but now she's beautiful.

I am a little apprehensive about driving in Boise.  It is not unlike Reno, however, I am not sure of all the rules regarding the airport, and things like that.  In Reno it was easy as there was a place for the cars to park who were waiting for fares from the airport.  Here, though, I do not know.  I suppose I will have to do some research on that soon.

The last several days have been spent preparing, but the long days have brought a bout of depression that I haven't known in quite some time.  I am hoping that being out of the house and around other people will help with that.

I had a great night now a few nights ago.  A friend took me to see the new Halloween movie.  Halloween is my favorite horror franchise of all time.  I was apprehensive about the fact that they threw out all canon from every movie except 1 and 2.  Even H20 ignored practically everything except those movies and I had a hard time with that as well. There very well could have been a storyline that involved the events of 4, 5 and 6 and that would have been amazing.  But, no.  We are left with what we got, which some pages are raving about and some are not.

With that being said, I thought it was pretty good.  Plenty of gory moments.  Although, because they scrapped the majority of the canon, many of the killings made little sense.  I have a feeling that long time fans are going to be majorly disappointed with this latest movie, although I was very happy to see Jamie Lee Curtis back as Laurie Strode.  I'm only going to give this movie a 3 out of 5 stars.

I am concerned about Halloween this year.  The holiday, not the movie.  Raven wants to go trick-o-treating this year.  To which, I am very happy to allow her to do.  The issue is that I cannot walk around like I used to.  She has a few friends that she wants to go with, and although I could take her to other parts of town, which is normally what happens, really.  When I lived in Reno, the streets were so overtaken with people who didn't live there that I could barely drive my car on the streets to get out.

I am concerned that the evening will end up shorter than normally would be due to my inability to walk great distances without hurting.  Just pop a few ibuprofen, you say.  It's not really that easy as painkillers do nothing to dull the pain.  I'm just going to have to suck it up this year unless one of her other friends want to take her with them.  Like last year.  That was awesome.  It also doesn't help that this year Halloween falls directly in the middle of the week.  Whatever happens, I am not falling for the disappointment of last year, which is attempting to give candy away.  I got zero trick-o-treaters.  In fact, on my street, I believe we are the only ones who put up any decorations at all.  Sad... so sad....

Honestly, I would much rather pop a huge bowl of popcorn and watch the Halloween movies on Halloween.

Two in a Week?!

Well, really, two in as many days.  Journal entries, that is.  I don't really have much to write about, but the mere act of writing helps keep me focused.

This morning I went and had an interview with the local county.  I had applied to be a records technician, which wasn't quite what I wanted to do with my career, but hey, at least I would be putting that obnoxious degree to good use, finally. The interview went really well.  It took me all week to fill out the paperwork for the background check as they wanted every detail for the last 15 years.  I did go back to my hard diaries in hopes of jogging my failing memory.  That's why I write in the first place.  To help me remember things later on, and so that my future generations will know who I was.  (There's not many great stories to tell, though.)

The interview in itself went really good.  I have lived a fairly simple life with little to no time in any sort of spotlight, very few interactions with police, and I am a law-abiding citizen, so truly, I am not worried about anything in my background that would possibly come up.

I will keep my fingers crossed over the next few months.

But for now, I need to find a temporary job as the one I had decided to dismiss me a week ago for not real good reason other than because they knew I was looking for something else, something in my field, a position that would further my career other than to be in the office stressing out over those daily tasks.  I won't berate them in such a public forum, but I will say that I am not sad to be gone. Although, I will miss one or two of my coworkers.

I have spent this past week in contemplation of what to do next should I not get this position that has had me working so diligently.  My plans were laid out in my previous entry, so I won't reiterate them here, but truly, what will I do if that happens?  As much as I do not want to think about it, I must as I try to prepare for every contingency.  Okay, I wasn't quite prepared to lose my last job.  Live and learn.

In addition for preparing for today, I have spent the last week catching up on some of my favorite tv shows.  I watched season 8 of The Walking Dead and I am on the last few episodes of Vikings.  There are shows on Netflix that I know are worth watching, but I just don't want to waste my time away in front of a television.  I don't like wasting my time doing nothing, but there are times when nothing is all I can do.  I really need a nap.

All I'm asking from you, dear readers, is some positive juju sent my way.  I can use all I can get.

Over a year....again...

Where to start.

The last year has produced some of the most diverse experiences of just about any year I have had.  Let's recap.

In October of 2017, Raven and I moved back to Boise because I took a job here.  I needed to get out of Reno badly as I wasn't "going anywhere" according to my father, which I would have to agree.  By that time I was driving for Uber full-time without a 'real' job to speak of.

The job that I took saw many changes over the last year.  Our lead was let go which led me to work 12-hour days for the better part of four months.  The stress of that sucked my soul away quicker than I ever thought possible. After that four months or so, they finally got some help and I guess they helped me right out of my job.  I was let go last Friday.

It's been almost a week and I have gotten one rejection letter after another.  I'm freaking out because of my massive amount of bills that are going unpaid, my rent that I am not sure that will be paid on time.  I just signed a new lease beginning in November, and to top all of that off, the rent went up by $115!  If I felt despair before, I certainly feel it now.  I have considered self-repossessing my car, which would help greatly as I upgraded it shortly after moving up here.  Big mistake on my part, but live and learn.  At the very least I am hoping that they will at least extend my payment by a month or so.  The car payment, that is.  I'm still stressing about my rent.

In brighter news, though, my son, Eagle (not his real name, by you all know that I don't use my kids' real names here) graduated from Navy boot camp and is now attending his A school to be a Nuke.  I am so very proud of him.  I just wish it hadn't been February in Chicago!  I hadn't seen that much snow since I was a kid living in Reno!

While I was there, some drama happened between myself and my older daughter, Butterfly.  To make a very long story short, she came to live with Raven and me for a few months.  While she was there, she got in contact with her biological dad.  I had suggested it.  She decided that she wanted to go stay with him in Washington state.  I agreed to take her up there knowing that her living conditions were not going to be the best.  Butterfly was 19 at the time and could make her own decisions.  I wasn't going to stop her from making her own choices.

And so, yes, she was there for a few months and decided that she didn't enjoy living there.  There were many things that were said that I will not repeat here, but suffice it to say, I will probably never hear from her again.  While that is my burden to bear, I cannot help thinking about what a failure I was as a mom/friend to her.  It was enough that I nearly killed myself over it.  Butterfly's birthday was yesterday, and I could not even say Happy Birthday because she wants absolutely nothing more to do with me...ever.

Moving along....

The last few months have been spent stressing over money, which is not somethin I usually do because I usually know that money will come from one source or another.  This is something entirely different, though.  I've never been, to my old failing memory, in a position where I couldn't come up with rent money, or food money, or gas money, or anything else that I really needed.  On the bright side, I know exactly where it was where I went wrong this time around.

Over the summer I traveled to Denver for their Gothfest.  It was exciting to see friends again and I truly hope to go there again soon.  Raven was able to come with me as the show was all ages.  She had such an excellent time meeting the bands, spending time with our friends there and seeing some of the sights of Denver.

Recently, we had one of Raven's friends come to stay with us for a few weeks.  Her parents were going through a divorce and her family was displaced from their home.  Her mom didn't want to take her out of her school while she worked so hard on trying to find a new place to stay.  I was happy to have her stay.  She was well-behave, and treated us everso much better than Butterfly.  While I wasn't sad to see her reunited with her family, I am sad that Raven will again be alone at home while I'm working.

I think that just about sums up the past year. It begins again with me again looking for work.  I am in the second phase of a job interview that will be conducted tomorrow.  This will be for a background investigation, which require 15 years worth of history.  I had a very difficult time remembering all the places I have lived and jobs I have had in that time.  I had an even more difficult time remembering dates.  I feel very bad for this background investigator because of the amount of digging he is going to have to do.  I counted 14 places I have lived in the last 15 years.  Yes, I know.  And that includes living in the house in Reno for four years!  Some places I only lived in for a few weeks or months.  Most rarely for years.

Filling out this paperwork has made me realize just how unstable my entire life has been.  I counted, one time, the amount of places I have lived since I was born.  Nearly 60!  Guys, I'm only 43.  And, I'm not in the military, and never have been.  *Sigh*  I feel like I am going to die never having spent more than five years in any one place.  Well, I just feel like I'm going to die.

I'm more depressed than ever before.  I have spent the majority of this week watching Netflix or movies checked out of the library.  I have no real direction.  I do have a few plans for what I'm going to do to become employed, though.  Plan A is to get this job with the county that I spent all this time on filling out paperwork for.  The downside is that it will take at least 2 months to get the background check finished, and with my history, probably longer.  I do not know.  Plan A.5 is to go to a local temp agency while the background investigation is being done so that I can at least make money.  (My most recent job put me in such a bad position by letting me go before I knew if I had the job or not....)  Plan B is to start driving for Uber again.  I went and got my Idaho driver's license finally, but I have to get my windshield replaced because it's cracked in several places.  It would never pass their safety/cosmetic damage requirements.

Plan C is my last desperate plan of attack.  My mother has offered for Raven and I to stay with her for a few weeks while I get back on my feet.  I'm so tired of having to "get back on my feet".  And, as much as I love my mom, the idea of living with her again does not appeal to me.  We are just too very different.  And, I would not enjoy the prospect of moving to Texas.  I also don't want to have to pull Raven out of yet another school.  So, you can understand why I would consider this a last resort.

My social life is still very nonexistent.  I haven't gone singing karaoke in weeks.  The last time I went, I managed to talk a friend into going with me.  He is even more anti-social than I am.  He's distrusting of everyone.  I think for the purposes of this blog, I'll just call him...  Bluejay.  He's a good guy, but we will never be anything more than just friends.  And online friends mostly at that.

I really need to find myself again.  I really need to figure out what it is that I really want to do.  I have had ideas in the past, but decided that I could never do them because I do not have the money to do so.  I have always been into the music scene in one form or another.  My ultimate dream would be to open a bed n breakfast for touring bands.  I'm not talking about famous bands who require 5-star treatment, although I would provide the best customer service/accommodations possible.  I'm taking about bands that tour that maybe can't afford $100/night hotels rooms.  How awesome would that be.  I dunno.  There might not even be a need for such a thing.  I'll have to ponder that more.

God damn, I feel like I've wasted my life away.....