A Month In...

...and I need new pants!

So far I've kept to my new year's resolutions.  I've lost ten pounds already and I've gotten my blood sugar mostly under what I consider to be control.  I haven't had any "red" draws in several days, and only the one in the last few weeks.  It was weird because I have had several draws right around 97-120, which is I guess normal, but for me cause me to shake something fierce. I guess my body isn't used to whatever is normal for most people yet.  And, I actually didn't take my medication for one night and one morning because the sugar levels were so low.

But I really do need new pants.  Most of the weight has been falling off my backside, in turn my pants are doing the same.. lol..

All in all life seems to be going okay.  Nothing new in the relationship realm.  I tried, once again, a few online dating sites, which cause nothing but headache for me.  People don't read my profile fully so I get a lot of really young kids (what else am I, as a 41-year-old, going to call an 18-22-year-old that thinks he's going to get lucky with me?) who like to send me messages.  Even when I politely tell them I am not interested, they persist.  I don't like to block people, to me that's just rude, but sometimes people don't take not for an answer.  And, I don't like to repeat myself.  I'm too old to have the same conversations multiple times...

I have had nothing but bad experiences. I was even stood up by a guy who was older than me (in his 50s, which for me is usually an automatic 'no'), but I was enjoying our conversation so I agreed to meet him.  Thankfully, it was somewhere I was already familiar with.  I get anxiety going to new places alone.  When he didn't show up, I checked back on the messaging for that website only to find that he had blocked me and was no longer accepting my messages.  Do people really do that?  Do they get their kicks on luring people out only to not show up and block them?  Get a good laugh on that did you?  It made me furious for a moment, then sad, then I turned on myself thinking I wasn't good enough, then I decided that it was his loss.  I dunno. I am about to give up permanently.

As much as I would like to think that there is someone out there for me, who will enjoy my company, have similar interests, enjoy travelling, etc, I highly doubt that I am going to find him here.  Oh well.

I am getting ready to go back to school.  I forget if I mentioned this in a previous entry.  I am going back to get my court reporting degree.  I will be able to do much more than just court reporting.  Perhaps get one of those close captioning jobs or something.  But, I'm tired of being broke and not really being able to do much about it. It's time I put my talents (such as they are) to good use.  I know I can do this. It's just a matter of making it happen.  The school didn't have their schedule yet for this year.  I'm not sure how long that takes to make happen, but if I don't hear something back by the end of the upcoming week, I will contact them back.  Yeah.  I have to make a change.  I can't live like this anymore.  Granted, I am surely not taking anything for granted, but there is always the opportunity to live better, right?

Our cats are fat and happy.  Well as happy as two cats can be, I suppose.  Klaus and Elijah fight like grumpy old men.  It's funny to watch Klaus try do defend himself and wherever he happens to be sleeping at the time from Elijah.  Klaus has no front claws, so he furiously bats his paws at Elijah and hisses at him during these altercations.  Mostly, they take place on my bad while I'm trying to sleep.  Klaus follows me around like a puppy.  I did mention that he is a big, fat, long-haired cat, yes?

Overall, they keep me company and Raven enjoys them very much.  They are HER cats after all, but there's nothing wrong with me petting them when they allow it.  Elijah is still a bit skittish and doesn't really like Raven much, but once in a while he will crawl up and lay on her lap. 

The weather here has been chaotic.  This morning it snowed and then it disappeared.  It flurried for a short time, then it stopped.  We are supposed to be getting a bunch more snow tonight.  Who knows if the school will start on time, be delayed or be canceled altogether.  I am lucky to work for a company who cares about its employees' safety.  Usually when the roads are bad, we are delayed working as well.  I guess they will just keep an eye on the roads tomorrow and we'll see what happens. 

I find writing so relaxing... it's why I do it.  Thank you for taking this journey with me into what I would consider my pathetic life.  I need more excitement. 

Care to join me?

A Week In

Well, the first week of this diabetic chaos has been enlightening.  I've been taking my medication, eating properly, and doing as much as I can to tackle the beast.  So far, it's been working well.

My numbers are down to the hundreds, which is good.  There are times when I feel like I've had to starve myself to get there, but that's not the case.  Things I've eaten are very healthy and full of flavor.  They just happen to be low in calories.  Just this week alone, I have lost 6 pounds.  I'm excited about that.

I will admit to having had soda yesterday. I took Raven to the movies and well, popcorn and soda just kind of come with the territory.  We shared one, though, and I didn't have very much.  I did get to see just how much (or in this case how little) my blood sugar went up.  Even with all that my sugars manages to stay under 200. 

2017 is going to be a great, but rough year. 

2016 Can Suck it...

...2017 is going to be much better.

Well here we are, another year coming to a close.  So much has happened, hasn't it?  So many people have died.  Prince, David Bowie, Carrie Fisher, just to name a small few.  I think that I am starting to feel like my dad did (perhaps) when all of his childhood idols started to die off.  Although, I honestly don't think they dropped as quickly (or as young) as a lot of them were this year.  It's been a rough year for sure.

Then there's the election.  I won't say either way my feelings about it.  I will just sit back and wait to see what happens. 

And then there's my personal life.  A lot has happened with that this year as well, which is the primary focus of this particular blog.  Many high points of the year, but several less than spectacular ones too.  I started a new job toward the beginning of the year. I am still there and for the most part I am happy there.  Sometimes there is too much drama for my taste, but my earbuds make that all go away for the most part.  What I really need is to find something full-time with benefits.  #1 New Year's resolution for me.

This year for Raven's birthday we obtained two new members to our small family.  A pair of cats named Klaus and Elijah.  Yes, we love The Originals in this house.  Suck it.  We rescued them from the local Humane Society.  I had seen a few cats in the visiting room before making my choice and I had decided that I was going to take home the first one that purred at me.  After all, they are in kitty prison.  Purring probably wasn't going to come easy.  I also wanted one that was easy going. 

As I was adopting Klaus, a very big, fat black 10-year old cat, I noticed on his description sheet that he had come in with his housemate.  I didn't want to separate them.  The shelter didn't want them separated, either so I was surprised that they didn't mention him.  I took Elijah without visiting with him in the visiting room.  He's a big 8-year-old orange and white cat that is still getting used to the house, but he's a lot better. I am definitely enriched to have them here. Raven loves the snot out of them, too.

Let's see... what else... Oh, we started the radio show, A Walk on the Dark Side.  Raven and I have had a lot of fun with it so far.  I do now know what will become of the show for now. I have thought about quitting doing it, but a lot of people seem to enjoy it, so I would hate to disappoint them.  We've talked to a lot of people, and I've met a few great people in person as well. 

Oh, some low points, the one that this blog is truly about.  Two days before Christmas, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.  It's common enough, and it wasn't quite a shock to me.  I had been dizzy all week and my vision was blurry. I was drinking water like it was going out of style and I was in the bathroom all the time.  Classic signs.  I haven't told very many people, because I don't want anyone worrying. I know full well that Type 2 is reversible, and I fully plan on having this kicked by the end o 2017.  After all, it hasn't been that long and I've already made great strides in getting my sugar levels down.  Hell, the meter at my doctor's office only read HHH, which meant too high for the meter to read.  They really wanted to put me in the hospital, but I told them no.  Not on the holiday weekend. 

I've been taking those pills they gave me and checking my levels 3-4 times a day and the levels fluctuate, which is normal as I understand it.  Everyone's levels fluctuate during the day depending on what's been eaten, if there's been activity like exercise or something like that.  So, honestly, I'm not that worried.

I have only told my mom, Raven and Falcon.  I know he doesn't really care either way, but he knows that I will kick this thing as well.  My mom told me that diabetes was in the family. I wish I had known that sooner.  Not that it would have mattered. I probably would still not have done anything about it until it was too late.  Typical me.

It's really strange what the thought of diabetes will do to one's thoughts about food and life in general.  I quit drinking soda that very day.  Along with no more candy and basically no more fruit as that seems to spike my levels something fierce.  I've discovered new foods and a new fondness for black beans.  I even made black bean veggie burgers tonight. I never thought I would eat a meatless burger, much less one that I made on my own (with the help of ye ol' interweb).  I've been keeping track of my food intake for the last few days and interestingly enough, I've only consumed less than 1000 calories each day.  One might think that that is grounds for insanity, but I don't really feel all that hungry.  Perhaps my stomach is finally shrinking. 

When I went to the doctor, of course they took my weight.  So, not I have an official starting point, which I am not going to say here.  It's embarrassing enough, yes?  Just know that I plan on keeping a detailed account of what I'm doing from now on.  Perhaps not here, but somewhere. 

I just know that 2017 is going to be a way better year than any previous, diabetes and all.  It's time to get my ass in gear and live life.

Making a Change... Again

It's been a very depressing last several weeks. So much so that I gained back even more weight than when I first started working out last year.  I also cut my hair off.  That's nothing really special or even new. I usually cut my hair after a failed relationship.  (Not that this one failed, but still one that ended.)  But what I'm concerned about is my weight.  I won't say how much I weigh because even I can't believe it, but suffice it to say that I'd like to lose a good 100 pounds. (Hopefully, that will include a massive amount of chest weight that has been giving me some other types of issues lately.

So, I decided to take the plunge and join Curves.  It's a gym geared for women only. I'm sure you've seen the commercials or whatever.  This isn't like any other gym I've ever been in. Quite simply it's a circuit system of 13 machines which takes 30 minutes to go through twice.  The ladies at this place were really nice.  Older women who looked like they have been working on losing weight for a while, but still haven't gotten quite there yet.  It was nice to be in a conversation with someone that didn't look like Barbie.

We went over some of the machines they have.  They don't look very intimidating, but i got on a few and even after a few short seconds of trying them I was wiped out.  I'd hate to see what my first actual session is going to be like.

I also had my measurements taken and my weight and body fat.  I'm totally not listing them here, but it was enough to get me motivated to join that gym right then.  I'm tired of being fat and I'm tired of being tired. 

But, that's not all I'm going to be doing.  I'm also going to get a mountain bike because I really enjoy riding.  There is a nice trail that goes along the river here, much like the Greenbelt of Boise.  I don't think it's as long, but it's just as pretty, if not moreso.  I've been looking today on Craigslist for a bike.  Found a few that look promising, but it's too early on a Sunday to call.. lol...

I still have my Sparkpeople account which helps me track food and exercise.  It also helps me design meals within certain calorie ranges.  It's really nice, so I'm going to continue working with that.  I have a few friends who are helping to encourage me from afar, and that is also nice. 

I feel like I've restarted this weight loss and healthy eating thing so many times in the past. I can't ever seem to stay on track.  As has been said so many times before, this time I am determined to make it happen.  I've given myself a goal of one year to lose 100 pounds.  I know I can do it.  I just need to maintain strength and motivation.  And not get down on myself if I slip up at all.

And that is the hardest part.  Being kind to myself while also balancing being hard on myself.  Because if I'm not hard on myself, no one else will be.