A Month In...

...and I need new pants!

So far I've kept to my new year's resolutions.  I've lost ten pounds already and I've gotten my blood sugar mostly under what I consider to be control.  I haven't had any "red" draws in several days, and only the one in the last few weeks.  It was weird because I have had several draws right around 97-120, which is I guess normal, but for me cause me to shake something fierce. I guess my body isn't used to whatever is normal for most people yet.  And, I actually didn't take my medication for one night and one morning because the sugar levels were so low.

But I really do need new pants.  Most of the weight has been falling off my backside, in turn my pants are doing the same.. lol..

All in all life seems to be going okay.  Nothing new in the relationship realm.  I tried, once again, a few online dating sites, which cause nothing but headache for me.  People don't read my profile fully so I get a lot of really young kids (what else am I, as a 41-year-old, going to call an 18-22-year-old that thinks he's going to get lucky with me?) who like to send me messages.  Even when I politely tell them I am not interested, they persist.  I don't like to block people, to me that's just rude, but sometimes people don't take not for an answer.  And, I don't like to repeat myself.  I'm too old to have the same conversations multiple times...

I have had nothing but bad experiences. I was even stood up by a guy who was older than me (in his 50s, which for me is usually an automatic 'no'), but I was enjoying our conversation so I agreed to meet him.  Thankfully, it was somewhere I was already familiar with.  I get anxiety going to new places alone.  When he didn't show up, I checked back on the messaging for that website only to find that he had blocked me and was no longer accepting my messages.  Do people really do that?  Do they get their kicks on luring people out only to not show up and block them?  Get a good laugh on that did you?  It made me furious for a moment, then sad, then I turned on myself thinking I wasn't good enough, then I decided that it was his loss.  I dunno. I am about to give up permanently.

As much as I would like to think that there is someone out there for me, who will enjoy my company, have similar interests, enjoy travelling, etc, I highly doubt that I am going to find him here.  Oh well.

I am getting ready to go back to school.  I forget if I mentioned this in a previous entry.  I am going back to get my court reporting degree.  I will be able to do much more than just court reporting.  Perhaps get one of those close captioning jobs or something.  But, I'm tired of being broke and not really being able to do much about it. It's time I put my talents (such as they are) to good use.  I know I can do this. It's just a matter of making it happen.  The school didn't have their schedule yet for this year.  I'm not sure how long that takes to make happen, but if I don't hear something back by the end of the upcoming week, I will contact them back.  Yeah.  I have to make a change.  I can't live like this anymore.  Granted, I am surely not taking anything for granted, but there is always the opportunity to live better, right?

Our cats are fat and happy.  Well as happy as two cats can be, I suppose.  Klaus and Elijah fight like grumpy old men.  It's funny to watch Klaus try do defend himself and wherever he happens to be sleeping at the time from Elijah.  Klaus has no front claws, so he furiously bats his paws at Elijah and hisses at him during these altercations.  Mostly, they take place on my bad while I'm trying to sleep.  Klaus follows me around like a puppy.  I did mention that he is a big, fat, long-haired cat, yes?

Overall, they keep me company and Raven enjoys them very much.  They are HER cats after all, but there's nothing wrong with me petting them when they allow it.  Elijah is still a bit skittish and doesn't really like Raven much, but once in a while he will crawl up and lay on her lap. 

The weather here has been chaotic.  This morning it snowed and then it disappeared.  It flurried for a short time, then it stopped.  We are supposed to be getting a bunch more snow tonight.  Who knows if the school will start on time, be delayed or be canceled altogether.  I am lucky to work for a company who cares about its employees' safety.  Usually when the roads are bad, we are delayed working as well.  I guess they will just keep an eye on the roads tomorrow and we'll see what happens. 

I find writing so relaxing... it's why I do it.  Thank you for taking this journey with me into what I would consider my pathetic life.  I need more excitement. 

Care to join me?

Raven Comes Back to the Nest!

It's been a mixed emotional first few days.  Oh, didn't I mention it? Raven has come home!  Went to pick her up over the weekend and so far it has been interesting.  She stayed with friends for the last two years while I was getting things put back together.  So, we have to get used to each other again.  I can be very demanding and at times overly protective and it can be rough on her.  I have to remember that she is someone with her own feelings, ideas and dreams and goals.  That's not the hard part, but I'm not the most patient mom in the world. 

I'm trying, though. 

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to juggle work, school and Raven, and while she's not in school, it's been okay, but what about when she starts school?  The last thing I want is for her to end up a latchkey kid.  She deserves better than that especially since she will be going from a family where she had two siblings to spend time with to going to me where she has no one else to spend afternoons with.  Fortunately, my schedule isn't so heavy that I work every day and I don't work weekends or evenings, but still.

I guess I can only do just so much.  I've really been freaking out over the last few days.  I gotta thank my cousin for getting my head straight..lol....

I just want to be a good mom to Raven.  She deserves at least that much.

Good morning faithful readers. All three of you. hehe... Well, here I am again with more chaotic ramblings.

The last few days have been pretty good. On Tuesday I worked, which sucked, but we've all got to do that, right? Actually, work is ok for the most part, just not very challenging anymore.

Yesterday was filled with all sorts of adventures. I walk/jogged my first day of C25K. See my other blog for more info on that. Afterward Raven and I went to Bella's Grove and dropped of my PC so that an acquaintance of mine could take a look at it. I hope that all it needs is a power supply. That shouldn't be too hard to come by or replace. Wish me luck on that. I hope that at the very least I will have enough oomph in it to save the pictures that are on it from last year. Everything else is replaceable.

The visit at Bella's Grove turned out to be irritating. There is a girl who frequents there, whom I will call....Loxie... and I cannot stand her. Loxie has this irritating need to be the center of attention everywhere. Usually I don't want to hug her, touch her or be near her. I didn't want to look like a total bitch yesterday, so I gave her a hug. Gah! Things were fine for a while after that. I spent most of my time talking to another friend who was there.

Loxie just had to push my pet peeve button. No one but me raises their voice to Raven. If I think she's doing something wrong, then I will say so. No one else. Now, that's not to say that I am against other people warning her of things that are not right. I really don't have eyes in the back of my head after all. But getting mad at Raven for being a kid is not something I tolerate well, and I told Loxie as much when she got upset at her for nothing, really. That was just the start of the irritating events of yesterday.

Loxie must not have been getting enough of the attention because she decided to bring one of her cell calls to speaker phone. I won't get into the specifics of the call, but I will say that the entire thing was completely inappropriate. If this friend of Loxie's really needed help, Loxie could have have gone to the one that she really wanted to talk to privately and not dragged the rest of us into a pointless conversation.

Loxie's friend really sounded like she was high as a kite, and I told Loxie that the friend should stay off the drugs. Then Loxie accuses me of calling her friend a druggie, which I didn't, but I wasn't the only one to make that judgement about her friend. First impressions are a bitch, aren't they!

I really wanted to send Loxie a message letting her know exactly how I feel about her, but I don't want to that come off as ...weak. I have a hard time formulating spoken words instantly. Usually my written words come out more eloquent. What I really want to say to her is that I don't like her; her energy is one that irritates me to no end, and there is a reason why I don't want her touching me, not even for a pinky shake. Who the hell does that anymore anyway? I would also tell her that she is extremely obnoxious and that I'm not the only person who feels that way. She is difficult to be around and it is frustrating that she feels the need to always be the center of attention. Even Raven is not THAT bad. There are other ways to get noticed than being in someone's face like that all the time. And, I know this. I used to be just like her when I was younger until someone set me straight, to my face, that I was irritation, annoying, and that was why no one wanted to be around me. Perhaps I will send a letter to her or talk to her about it. I don't want to crush anyone's spirit, but she needs to know about her irritating personality. And that she should never try to hug me again.

If that makes me cold, so be it.

After we left Bella's Grove (upset and irritated) Raven and I went to get some dinner and then to home. After dinner I put on some music and finished some post cards that I am sending to other Angels for their projects. I got the stack of mail together and dropped it off at the front desk of work this morning. It makes me feel good to do things like that for other people.

Raven fell asleep rather early last night, so I got her jammies on and put her to bed. I stayed up to watch Vacancy which is comparable to Psycho on steroids. I love horror movies, and it was just as freaky this time around as it was the first time. Perhaps that's just me.

Raven woke up after that and wasn't tired. Go figure. It was about 10pm. So I thought we could use a "feel good" movie after all that horror. I put on Disney's Sword in the Stone, and about halfway through I couldn't stay up any longer. I left Raven to put herself to sleep, which she does rather well on these occasions. She woke up today with no issues at all, and actually woke herself up. That's rare, even on days I get to sleep in.

I've been thinking more about signing up for that certificate program for event/wedding planning. I just need to figure out how I can fit the payments into my budget. The course is accredited, but I don't think that there would be any grants or scholarships available for something like this. I don't know. Perhaps I will check into it. I just know that along with the physical changes I am trying to make, I also want to make career changes as well. I do not want to be stuck in this office forever doing mind-numbing work for the rest of my life. I know I can do better.

I think that's it for the ramblings today. As always, thanks for reading. Please subscribe and also do not miss my C25K blog. There's a link at the top of the right hand column.

Remember that you are judged by the company you keep. No matter how good of a person you might actually be.


::endtransmission::