So, just who am I?
A few years ago I would tell you that I was a DJ, a private party bartender, a karaoke singer who got to compete in Sammy's Showroom in Reno, a club promoter, a friend to many, and a hiker. I was also a clerical assistant.
Now, If you ask me who I am, I will tell you that I am a mother, a Soldier Angel, and an overworked, under-appreciated Work Force Management agent, and a once-in-a-blue-moon karaoke singer, and an avid reader of horror/fantasy novels.
I feel like I am not living up to my true potential. What is my true potential you might be asking? Hell, I don't know. I feel like I am wandering aimlessly through this life with no true direction. How does one find direction? Hell, I don't know. I feel like I am lacking some key element of the human psyche that everyone else seems to have a grasp. I think I tend to live in the past, which is probably my first issue. I have flyers from my last club plastered all over my wall to remind me of how it used to be.
Dammit, it isn't like that anymore. That life is gone! It left me, or I threw it away, I can't really say for sure. All I'm left with is memories. Some good, some bad, some stoic, but memories nonetheless.
I am in my mid-30s and I have no clue what I want to be when I grow up. I used to have such fantasies. I used to want to be an astronaut, an interior designer, a wildlife biologist, a bakery owner, a musician. There is only one of those that I ever got any encouragement for from my parents, and I can tell you that it wasn't being a musician. It's funny, now that I look back on it. I cannot recall a single time when either of my parents or step-parents ever told me, "You can be anything you put your mind to." It was always, "You'll never be able to make a living doing that."
I guess I had more practical parents.
I think about what it is that I truly want to do with my life, but their words still linger in the back of my mind, "You'll never be able to make a living doing that."
Well, I say it is time for a change. It's time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and draw up a plan. Ok, it's a little late and I've made so many mistakes that everything is now coming out of order, but oh well.
Better late than never.
Stay tuned for progress reports on the new and improved me.
Just remember... never pigeonhole yourself into "being" just one thing. You have the ability to do so many things, and can always learn more, so be a Jill of all trades! Besides, it's too hard and not any fun to pick just one!
ReplyDeleteTrue True. There are so many things out there, but as far as what I want to do, I am having a hard time finding something that actually strikes my interest that i can actually do for extended periods of time. Some people paint, some sculpt, some blog really well. I haven't found much that I truly like to do or be. I want that one thing that I can do and make a career out of it. That sort of thing. I'll keep thinking and trying new things, but my problem is that I rarely have the patience to learn something if it doesn't strike my interest in the first few days. Does that even make sense?
ReplyDeleteYea, it does make sense. Even fun things can quickly seem like a chore when your heart or mind isn't fully in it. I know how you feel though, every couple weeks I freak out wondering if I'm wasting years and thousands of dollars on college on something I won't want to do. You'll figure something out.
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