I Always Have a Plan...

....even if the plan doesn't quite work out the way I want.  I have not given up on the current plan, but I also have a backup just in case.  After that, I am not so sure. 

I am still confident that I will get this new job I applied for earlier.  I have yet to hear back on the other county job that said I would go testing.  So, I haven't tested for that yet.  And, I never heard back from the first job I did test for and got on the list for.  I wonder about that sometimes.  How much of a nag must one be in order to succeed?

It is almost coming to the time when I need to start looking outside the state for work.  I can't even keep my checking account in the black, much less have money to actually move somewhere for work.  And, do I really want to drag Raven out of her home once again?  Drag her to yet another state where she would have to start all over again? If it were just me, I would have put my other plan in place long ago.  But, it's not. 

And, I don't really want to leave Falcon behind.  We have been together a year this coming Sunday, and it's been a great year.  He would tell me, probably, that I should do what I need to do.  We had talked about me leaving to work in California, if that's what it took for me to succeed.  It's not that far away, after all.  Perhaps I should do that.  Bigger cities tend to have more jobs, etc.  I don't really care for Sacto weather, but I do have friends there still.

There is a lot swimming around in my head, not the least of which is giving up.  But, we can't have that.  It's not in my nature.  Actually, it is, which is why I don't want to do it anymore.  Giving up, that is. 

I think about what I REALLY want to do, which is to be a party planner, but I can't see how there's much money to be made doing that.  I wish I was more creative.  More crafty, but my aptitude for art is minimal.  I look at friends of mine, near and far, who are successful at doing what they want, going against the norm, etc.  I wonder what's wrong with me.  Nothing, they'd say.  Perhaps they'd say that I lack the drive or determination.
 

God, I'm getting too old for this. 

Even right this moment I'm researching colleges that teach bizarre things, such as stenography.   I think I'm going to do something mind-numbing for a while. 

I guess I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up......