When Enough is Certainly Enough!

I sometimes consider myself a normal individual.  I guess that depends on your definition of normal.  I'm a single mom.  I work.  I go to school online.  I have an awesome boyfriend without whom I would have become worse than a wreck a while ago.  I have family members who care about me and who have helped me time and again when I chose the wrong path in life more than thrice.  

But, these past few weeks have really tested my stress levels.  Work has been extremely busy.  I am a team lead where I work and I run a very specific set of stores who happened to need all of their stores nationwide done in September.  Obviously, I'm not working outside my district, but to give you an idea of how much work has been going on, I've been doing two stores a day, Monday through Friday for the last two weeks.  Because I don't work on weekends, my coworkers have been going with another team lead on Saturdays to knock out two stores as well.  There is at least one other team in my area also doing these runs on top of everything else.  Yes, it has been very busy.

So, Raven has been left home a lot in the mornings and afternoons.  We will just say that that strain has created a lot of stress for her at school, and I got into trouble for leaving her home alone before and after school.  Well, this was serious enough for me to nearly have to quit my job.  I fixed the after school issue, but the before school issue isn't as easily fixed.  There just isn't anything early enough on the days I work to take her to.  So, I have had to cut back on my hours significantly.  I'm not sure exactly what I am going to do because there isn't really much work for the hours that I am available for right now, and it is going to end up becoming even more stressful.

In addition to everything else, school work has fallen drastically behind.  Why am I then writing this?  Because I really need to get this out of my system and writing about it definitely helps.  It's therapy for me, so suck it.  This is the last week of the term, thank goodness, and it has come down to being the most behind in homework I have ever been.  It isn't because I was slacking off or doing other things.  Work has just kept me that busy.  Well, because everything that happened with me getting into trouble, I had to take today and Friday off, and yesterday, too.  I did manage to get a bit done, and I will be diving straight into it after I finish this.

I am not liking this imbalance that has crept up into my life.  I am a huge fan of balance, but for now there is a great imbalance.  Raven and I had a short talk about not allowing oneself to never have personal time.  I have done the best I an to make sure that she has her own space in the house we live in, which is a one-bedroom.  I have begun to create her art space out in one of the sheds.  So far it is looking great.  But, what about my personal space?  I'm a strong individual, but there are times when even I need to have space to be alone to cry in peace and cleanse my soul.  Even the strongest of people need that time to themselves.  Who do the strong lean on in their time of need?

Right now my shoulder to cry on has been Falcon.  If it weren't for him and his nonjudgmental nature, I would have crumbled or probably been arrested by now.  He never made me feel bad or told me that I should have known better (even though I know I should have known better) and he has always been on my side.  He's just that kind of man.  I am very fortunate to have him in my life.

So, knowing that all things pass in time, I have done what I can to fix the issues, and I have to move on from here.  I am not going to ask what else could go wrong because the Universe would certainly let me know!

School, Health and Halloween

Well, Raven is in school and the first week was interesting.  We tried very hard to get some sort of routine going, but with my work schedule it just isn't possible to get anything concrete.  I will be very glad when school is over for me and I am able to get a more regular job, even if that job requires me to work graveyard shift.  At least it will be something more stable.  At least, that is the hope. But, I can say that she is finally able to get to and from school without help.

I could not do much of this without Falcon's help.  He has been there for me whenever I have needed him.  Whether it be an ear for me to vent to, or a body to wrap weary arms around, or to help me smile with his silly jokes.  He and Raven get along really well, and even though I suspect that she tries his patience once in a while, they have really started to bond a little.  At least, that is what it looks like to me. 

I am so close to finishing this degree that I can almost taste it.  Only two more terms after this one, and I will be so very ready to not have to do homework everyday.  I am grateful for a week's break between the current and next term.  My work schedule has also tripled as of this week, at least for the next three weeks, so getting everything done, spending time with Raven AND having some personal time is going to be difficult.  Falcon has got to be one of the most patient men I have ever known, and he has had to remind me occasionally of where my priorities actually lay and that he cannot be at the top of the list no matter how much I want him to be, right after Raven, of course. 

Health has to come first.  So far, I have been able to maintain somewhat free of colds and such.  I usually get really sick at least once per year. I hope not to this year.  Next comes Raven.  And then comes homework.  THEN comes Falcon.  Well, yeah. That seems kind of harsh, but as long as everyone/thing on the list gets their turn, then I'm good with that.  Raven has also been very understanding about homework and such that I have to get done before we can spend time together.

I will say that I have been putting some things off until the next day in order to spend more time with my family.  On Friday night Falcon took Raven and I to the Reno Ace's ballgame and we watched them beat the Vegas 51s.  It was a good game.  I hadn't been to an Ace's game for several years.  Not since I lived here last time and the park was not downtown at that point.  I had a really great time, but of course came home to a mound of homework that didn't get finished.  It doesn't matter to me. I need to try to keep balance in order.  I fear that the balance is going to become unbalanced this coming week.

Work has been going well even if it has been slower for me. I told my boss that I am not willing to work nights or weekends because I am not willing to pay for daycare for this job.  It is so chaotic that working at night would mean high daycare fees and I don't even want to get started with weekend rates!  So, for me the hours have been sparse, which is good for getting homework done, but not so much so for the pocketbook.  Lame, isn't it?  We work like dogs to make money, but don't have the time to spend it.  Or we have lots of time on our hands and no money to spend.

I do have my favorite holiday coming up soon.  Halloween.  For most of the nation it isn't considered a "holiday", but for me it's also Nevada Day.  I remember getting October 31st off every year from school because it's the day Nevada became a state.  I guess the powers that be have decided to mutilate this day into a three-day weekend like Labor Day (Why the heck do we celebrate that anyway?) or Memorial Day.  But otherwise, it's the most awesome time of the year.  Get dressed up, take Raven trick-or-treating.  Remember ancestors who have passed on.  It is Day of the Dead time after all.  When I lived in Reno last time, we threw a huge Halloween party. I live on that same property, and I am considering having another party.  Who knows, though.  We'll see.

My birthday was on the 29th.  It was a decent day.  I went to karaoke with Falcon which was nice.  I don't usually celebrate my birthday, but when I do, it's usually going out to sing.  I think next year I am going to throw a huge party, though.  It's a milestone birthday, and I want it to be excessively awesome.  Falcon's birthday is coming up in less than a week. I want to do something really awesome for him, but the thing I wanted to do isn't going to happen because I have to work on the night that it was going to happen.  Soooo... I don't know what's going to go down now.  He doesn't really like big parties, and he doesn't like surprises, but neither of that is going to stop me from attempting to do something sweet.

I suppose that is it for now. 

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