When There is Nothing I Can Do...

I would never be one to say that I have a lot of friends.  I have many acquaintances, and a smattering of those whom I would truly call a friend.  I mean, we are talking about less than a hand's worth of friends.  The trouble is that I live far away from all of them.  Except Falcon, but for the sake of this blog entry, he is not being considered here.  He's so much closer than just a friend.

One of my friends has told me that I am the one friend with the least amount of drama.  I try to keep it that way.  I try not to bring those around me into my own private hell if I can help it.  I'm not innocent of posting the once-in-a-while rant on Facebook that contains tidbits of drama.  Even here, I am guilty of posting much of my personal life for the world to view. In my real life, I'm a very reserved individual and only tell people things on a need-to-know basis.  Basically, if you don't ask, I won't tell you.

I am not without my fair share of depression and blue feelings.  I'm human, or so it was the last time I was checked.  I tend to deal with depression in my own way, choosing to keep it in until it goes away, and eventually, it does, even if the reasons behind the depression have not actually been resolved.  I simply remember that the world isn't ending and putting an early end to myself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem (as the old cliche goes). 

But, most of my friends are not me.  They deal with their feelings in different ways.  Let's say that I have five friends.  3/5 of them are having some pretty heavy issues lately. 

And, there's nothing I can do to help any of them. 

In fact, they each live in different states.  This is what I get for moving around so much.  I get to see some really awesome parts of the country and make some really interesting friends/acquaintances, but when I move, I leave them behind, even if we keep in touch via social media. 

But I can't be there for them.  I can't wrap my arms around them when they need a hug.  I can't give them my shoulder for them to cry on.  I can't offer my ear for them when they just need to vent.  I have to wonder, what the heck kind of friend am I, anyway. 

Not a very good one, I'm afraid.  That doesn't lessen the pain I feel in my soul when they are sad.  Or depressed.  Or scared. Or hurt.

As I write this, I feel as if there is a large chunk of this blog entry missing.  That there was something else I was supposed to say.  I feel like I should apologize for not being there.  I feel like I should be able to do more.  If only I had the money/time to visit. 

Or, perhaps that is just me having an ego attack.  I'm not their only friend.  They have others who are there for them....I would hope, anyway.  I'm not the most important person in anyone's life.  I'm okay with that.

Chances are good that they might not even read this.  I have chatted with them via text, via messaging, via any way possible.  Even if I am not able to be there, I still exist. 

And I still care.

Pincushions and Needles

I briefly eluded to a potential job I might be getting soon.  On April 1st, I took an exam for the county I live in.  I've been waiting with baited breath, so to speak, about the results of this exam. 

Today, I got an answer.

I passed with an 85%.  I had to get above a 70% to pass, so I'm right in the middle of the range.  I ranked at 19, but I'm not quite sure what that means.  There were many who took the test that day, so I am not sure if there are many of us who tied at the 19th rank, or if we each got a unique rank.  If the latter is the case, then I am ranked fairly high.  The only reason that matters is because they take people from the list based on their ranking.  They said that they take people from the list as they are needed and it could be anywhere from six to twenty at a time.  So... I never know.  I could be getting an email soon!  And then, the hard stuff begins.  Interviewing, etc.  Wish me luck!

Well, keep me in your thoughts because I really need this job.  It is a great one with all the perks that one could need.  Great pay.  Great benefits.  The chance to do something great for someone else.  It couldn't be better. 

In other news, I spent some time in my garden today.  I planted a nice purple pincushion plant in the place where a few of the smaller flowers succumbed to the overnight freeze a few days ago.  It looks good, but odd with the other, smaller, flowers around it.  

I have several seeds in various stages of sprouting in my window sill.  I am not going to be transplanting any of them until I know that it isn't going to freeze again.   Live and learn, and that is what Reno weather is all about.  It does plan on being nice for awhile, so perhaps I'll reconsider the transplanting of the seedlings that might be ready.  I have several places to put them.  I don't want to rush anything.

My veggie garden is doing fine, I guess.  Nothing has sprouted yet, but it is still early, I think.  I did put some path lights on the edge because the rocks are really large, and I wouldn't want anyone to trip over them in the dark.  I can't wait to see what it looks like at night.  I'm just going to have to wait and see what happens as far as the sprouting goes. 

One of my watermelon plants didn't fare too well through the freeze and only one cantaloupe seedling managed to weather the freeze and the cucumbers didn't make it, but that's okay.  I'll replant those.  Hopefully, they do something amazing in the coming months. 

That's all for now.

Bring on the Spring.... Again!

I like the fact that we've had more snow up in the mountains in the last week than the entire winter put together (mostly), but come on!  I am tired of the freezing temps down in the valley already.  It has been so cold that my flowers are barely hanging on by a thread.  Sure, I guess that's what happens when one plants so early in the season, but it's April already.  Here I guess one either plants too early, or they plant too late to yield anything decent during harvest time.  No matter. I'll keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best.

Took Raven to the preseason Aces game.  For those that don't know, that's the minor league baseball team here in Reno.  They are actually quite good from what I understand.  I have only been to one game last year and I saw them before that several years ago when they were the Reno Astros.  That seems like forever ago. 

Well, the weather has been so cold as of late that I actually pulled out my scarf and my gloves.  I hadn't worn either all winter if you can believe that.  She and I shivered close to each other during the game and we only made it through five innings before we just got too cold to stay.  She and I were both wearing layers under our coats, scarves, and gloves.  At least it was a preseason game and we got the tickets for free from the Boys and Girls Club, so it wasn't a real loss. 

I just wish the weather would warm up enough for me to be outside planting my veggie garden.  You know, the seeds that really don't do well in container boxes because they need room or whatever it is.  My dad came over on Easter Sunday of all times and we rototilled a nice sized area in the front of my yard for a veggie garden.  The garden plot that has been there forever is still good, but it doesn't really get a lot of sun, so he says.  I watched the sun pattern for a while, and it looked fine to me.

Now I have to garden plots, so one will be for things that grow great in rows.  The other one will be for things that grow great in hills.  Watermelon, cantaloupe, and cucumbers I believe will fare well in the less sunned patch.  I could be wrong, but at least they won't take over the veggies! 

So, we'll see what happens...if the weather ever acts properly!