An Update...

I spend so much time writing blogs, doing research for the two show I'm a part of that I hardly get the chance to write here anymore. 

The shows are going well although I have found myself slipping behind in my blogs for Erosion Factory. I didn't even get the ones out for this week, and although that's a bad mark on my part, I know that I will get to them when I have the time. Today, though I am taking time to write about myself.  I don't think that's too much to ask....

Raven is doing well. It's summer break, finally, and she is loving not having to go to school. I swear that this district is the last in the nation to take summer break.  They only get six weeks and begin the next school year in the middle of August.  But no matter. She's on break right now, and that's all that she cares about.

I've been really depressed the last several months.  I'm not quite sure why, exactly, but some of it might have to do with being lonely so much. I don't really have any in the way of friends that I spend a lot of time with, except for Falcon, and even then, usually it's only to see him before I take him to work. So rarely do we spend any friend time together.  I'm not even sure I know what that means anymore.  I don't have any female friends to spend any friend time with.  And again, I have no idea what that really means. 

I've been in a place of spiritual awareness, and realizing that I have gone back to my religious roots.  Don't worry. I'm not going on a bible thumping spree anytime soon, but lately I have been wondering if I'm on the right path or not.  Honestly, who knows.  But I do know that something has to change or else I'm going to continue on this emotionally self-destructive path.  I have no idea what it's like to laugh at something funny.  What is funny anyway?

I'm working part time for a background screening company. I enjoy the job for various reasons.  It's flexible, laid back and I've even gotten to start taking work home with me, mostly so that I can be home for Raven during the summer weeks when I'm not able to send her to the Club.  It's been nice and I couldn't ask for a nicer boss or coworkers.

This blog spent several days in "draft" form and I'm just now coming back to it. I've edited some things, but the gist of the blog remains the same. I haven't been able to kick these blue feelings and I fear that if I am not able to do something about it that it might end up disastrous.  No, I don't plan on checking out early, but emotionally this has had a horrible effect.  I've gained a lot of weight and it's just dragging me down even further.  Sure, I could maybe do something about it, but the motivation just isn't there.....

I'm sure this is just a phase, but honestly, the blue phases haven't ever lasted quite so long and I would really like to find a way to clear the negative energy.  I know I'll be okay in the end, but I fear how much damage my state of mind might be doing to Raven. I'm not motivated to get out of the house too often, not even to get her out to the park, although we did go for a short while the other evening.  I know she enjoyed that.

Plan Z

So, as of right now, I am going to implement the tertiary plan that I have designed.  This keeps me in my current job, but I'll be able to get more hours and possibly be able to make a halfway decent living wage.  At least, when it is the busy season.  I am not going to stop looking for a job in my field of study or at least something close to it.  Or, at least a job that will be of decent pay. 

I have calculated a potential income of what this tertiary plan would bring, and honestly, it would bring more than working full time at a job that paid less.  Although, to be fair, I would have to work a minimum of 30 hours per week in order for that to be true.  There are weeks when that simply doesn't happen.  Then there are other weeks when there are a lot more hours than anyone can actually handle and still remain healthy and sane.  I need these hours, though, in order to begin paying student loans that are due and try to save money for a bigger place. Raven keeps asking when she's going to get her own room.  It's just not going to happen right now.

Such is the lot I drew for myself when I quit my job at the call center to take this position nearly three years ago.  Wow! Has it been that long already? Almost, but not quite.

Everything seems to be crashing down around me, and not bits at a time, but in whole chunks.  I would have been okay if it not for that alternator going out a few days ago.  But, now my account is severely overdrawn, I'm still not getting any real hours at work.  The hours that I will be getting paid for these past few weeks won't cover the overages in my bank account, so that leaves me with no gas money and no way to pay my water bill, which is already two months overdue.  If I had to choose an image to describe how I feel right now, it would be this:

My tertiary plan better work because if it doesn't... well, I don't want to think about what would happen if it doesn't work.

Please don't think that I am only focusing on the negative.  I am very much aware of all of the wonderful things I have to be thankful for.  Falcon, for instance.  He's been really amazing this past year.  Understanding, generous and kind.  Willing to listen and giving me a shoulder to lean on when I needed it most. 

And, of course Raven, who never seems to be out of ways to bring laughter into my life.  And, Falcon's life.  It is so funny watching them together and hearing him laugh at some of the strange things Raven says sometimes. 

I know that it can't rain all the time.  I look forward to the time when the sun shines once more.....

It's Been One Week...(I Need a New Hobby)

... and I am having a little bit of trouble getting acclimated to not having to stress about homework everyday.  Or stress over due dates every Sunday.  This is the first Sunday in nearly two years that something hasn't been due (aside from the week breaks here and there).  I don't quite know what to do other than to look for a new job that may or may not keep me in town.  Don't get me wrong. I do have a plan for that, but since I am not doing anything about that until the beginning of the year, it leaves me with a lot of time on my hands that need to be filled with anything but sitting in front of my computer screen watching Netflix all day.  (I will say that I am loving The Originals and Vampire Diaries, though.)

The holidays are usually a time of being happy and cheerful and all of that stuff.  This year I am having rather mixed feelings.  It is the first year in two years that Raven is home, and I am so happy about that.  We bought a live tree for twenty bucks and decorated it with minimal ornaments.  We've made dozens of cookies and other treats.  Raven's birthday was earlier this month, so there were many treats baked for that as well.  She had a slumber party which was a lot of fun. I should have stocked up on Advil.

I have the best boyfriend in the world.  Falcon is one of the most amazing men that I have ever known.  Those that know me well know that I do not even believe in the word "man" because true men have been few and far between in my life.  But, he is intelligent, supportive, and as one friend put it, a "keeper".  While I struggle with my own demons, he has been there to be silently supportive throughout those struggles. 

I do have a few things that have been filling my time, such as things for work.  I had also planned on starting work out more, but it seems that I haven't been motivated to do much about that for now...  I need to work on that.  I guess I will have to enter the time on my calendar if I want it to actually get done.

Maybe I will invest in a new sewing machine.  I used to have one, but it was damaged and I have no idea what happened to it after that.  I many patterns that I could try out and I have been wanting a new wardrobe anyway.

Oh well. I know that when I finally get tired of being tired then change will happen.  No one else is going to make those changes for me.

::endtransmission::

8 Days and Counting or My College Education Story

I'm sure that I have written about the fact that I am in school at least once or thrice before.  Well after twenty some years, I will be finally done with school in eight days.  December 14, 2014 is the last day of torture, hell, stressing over missing assignments, researching for what some would consider meaningless papers and missing out on time with my daughter, Raven.  Finally. Over.

It has been a very long road that began right after high school in 1993.  I began this journey at Lassen College in Susanville, Ca.  I played softball for their team while I knocked out some core classes.  That year was okay, but I decided that I would give school a break.  Well, I gave it a break for a lot longer than I had intended. 

I tried to go back for a short stint at American River College in Sacramento, Ca, but that lasted less than a semester.  I don't recall why I gave up on that, but I suspect it had something to do with being pregnant with my son. 

It wasn't until 2003 (if memory serves, which sometimes it doesn't) that I went back to school again for real.  I was studying Audio Engineering as Sacramento City College.  I was doing very well.  Things happened and so I moved back to Reno thinking that I could finish this degree at one of the colleges there.  I couldn't, so I gave up for many more years.

Then Raven was born.  I decided that I needed to go back to school.  I signed up for Kaplan University and was in their Bachelor's program for Business.  The strange thing was that none of my previous credits transferred to that school.  Oh well.  I took several classes over again.  I was in that program for two years.  Raven was at the hand of neglect for a while when I was on my own because school was taking over.  I decided it was time to drop out.

And then a year-and-a-half ago I was encouraged by a friend in Boise to go back to school.  I researched programs that I thought I would like.  I didn't want to go back into business because I knew that wasn't for me.  My first choice was Forestry, which I would still like to learn, but at the time I didn't want to move to a campus that was five hours or so outside of Boise.  I decided to pursue the current degree I am working on, Bachelor's of Science in Criminal Justice with an Emphasis on Case Management and Corrections from American InterContinental University Online.  Happily, yet strangely enough, 65.5 credits from the three previous colleges transferred to this school.  Makes me wonder why those credits from the two junior colleges didn't transfer to Kaplan.  AIU and Kaplan are accredited by the same people.  It didn't matter.  As long as I didn't have to take math or English again. ;)

Raven had since come back to live with me this past July, and I knew that she would spend many hours alone while I studied.  I have done the best I could to ensure that she understood why I was always on my computer and not spending time with her.  For the most part, she understood and has had a cheery disposition about it.  She is excited, needless to say, about the fact that Mommy won't have to do anymore homework after next weekend. I am looking forward to making up for lost time, if that is even possible.  It isn't as though we have not spent any time together, but I know that I will be able to spend more, and that makes this whole thing worth it. 

I also have to give my thanks to Falcon.  Without him, I would be spending a lot more time in the library using their internet and leaving Raven to her own devices there.  That wasn't something that I was prepared to do.  He has been instrumental in ensuring that she hasn't gone neglected during my times of study over at his place.  He has really taken us both in.  We have spent numerous nights at his apartment so that I could wake up early and get homework started or finished, sometimes both.  He has been supportive in my desire to finish school once and for all.  Without his support and the support of friends from Boise and from my parents, I would not have been able to finish.

Honestly, I know that college isn't the end of learning.  It isn't the end of researching or of study.  If one decides that they have learned all they can or need, then what is the point of continuing to live?  Life is about new experiences and of new challenges.  Who knows?  Perhaps one day I will go back to school and study forestry as I wanted to in the first place. 

I had given up many times.  I shouldn't have.  If I could give any advice to anyone in school it would be to never give up, no matter how hard it gets.  Or:

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

When Enough is Certainly Enough!

I sometimes consider myself a normal individual.  I guess that depends on your definition of normal.  I'm a single mom.  I work.  I go to school online.  I have an awesome boyfriend without whom I would have become worse than a wreck a while ago.  I have family members who care about me and who have helped me time and again when I chose the wrong path in life more than thrice.  

But, these past few weeks have really tested my stress levels.  Work has been extremely busy.  I am a team lead where I work and I run a very specific set of stores who happened to need all of their stores nationwide done in September.  Obviously, I'm not working outside my district, but to give you an idea of how much work has been going on, I've been doing two stores a day, Monday through Friday for the last two weeks.  Because I don't work on weekends, my coworkers have been going with another team lead on Saturdays to knock out two stores as well.  There is at least one other team in my area also doing these runs on top of everything else.  Yes, it has been very busy.

So, Raven has been left home a lot in the mornings and afternoons.  We will just say that that strain has created a lot of stress for her at school, and I got into trouble for leaving her home alone before and after school.  Well, this was serious enough for me to nearly have to quit my job.  I fixed the after school issue, but the before school issue isn't as easily fixed.  There just isn't anything early enough on the days I work to take her to.  So, I have had to cut back on my hours significantly.  I'm not sure exactly what I am going to do because there isn't really much work for the hours that I am available for right now, and it is going to end up becoming even more stressful.

In addition to everything else, school work has fallen drastically behind.  Why am I then writing this?  Because I really need to get this out of my system and writing about it definitely helps.  It's therapy for me, so suck it.  This is the last week of the term, thank goodness, and it has come down to being the most behind in homework I have ever been.  It isn't because I was slacking off or doing other things.  Work has just kept me that busy.  Well, because everything that happened with me getting into trouble, I had to take today and Friday off, and yesterday, too.  I did manage to get a bit done, and I will be diving straight into it after I finish this.

I am not liking this imbalance that has crept up into my life.  I am a huge fan of balance, but for now there is a great imbalance.  Raven and I had a short talk about not allowing oneself to never have personal time.  I have done the best I an to make sure that she has her own space in the house we live in, which is a one-bedroom.  I have begun to create her art space out in one of the sheds.  So far it is looking great.  But, what about my personal space?  I'm a strong individual, but there are times when even I need to have space to be alone to cry in peace and cleanse my soul.  Even the strongest of people need that time to themselves.  Who do the strong lean on in their time of need?

Right now my shoulder to cry on has been Falcon.  If it weren't for him and his nonjudgmental nature, I would have crumbled or probably been arrested by now.  He never made me feel bad or told me that I should have known better (even though I know I should have known better) and he has always been on my side.  He's just that kind of man.  I am very fortunate to have him in my life.

So, knowing that all things pass in time, I have done what I can to fix the issues, and I have to move on from here.  I am not going to ask what else could go wrong because the Universe would certainly let me know!

Raven Comes Back to the Nest!

It's been a mixed emotional first few days.  Oh, didn't I mention it? Raven has come home!  Went to pick her up over the weekend and so far it has been interesting.  She stayed with friends for the last two years while I was getting things put back together.  So, we have to get used to each other again.  I can be very demanding and at times overly protective and it can be rough on her.  I have to remember that she is someone with her own feelings, ideas and dreams and goals.  That's not the hard part, but I'm not the most patient mom in the world. 

I'm trying, though. 

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to juggle work, school and Raven, and while she's not in school, it's been okay, but what about when she starts school?  The last thing I want is for her to end up a latchkey kid.  She deserves better than that especially since she will be going from a family where she had two siblings to spend time with to going to me where she has no one else to spend afternoons with.  Fortunately, my schedule isn't so heavy that I work every day and I don't work weekends or evenings, but still.

I guess I can only do just so much.  I've really been freaking out over the last few days.  I gotta thank my cousin for getting my head straight..lol....

I just want to be a good mom to Raven.  She deserves at least that much.

Weebles Wobble, but They Don't Fall Down!

It's taken a while to get this blog written, but I find myself with time this afternoon, so here goes.

Last week, Raven was here for her spring break.  We had a good time even though I had to work on Monday and Tuesday.  I took her to see Mr. Peabody and Sherman and although I only fell asleep twice, (Raven kept poking me) I thought it could have been better.  I remember the shorts from Rocky and Bullwinkle, and always smiled and laughed at them, but that's what I get for being a kid back then.  I didn't realize that Mr. Peabody thought he knew everything about everything. But whatever.  I'd wait until it came out on Netflix to see it again.

I gave her a choice of other things to do as funds were somewhat limited.  So, she chose to go roller skating.  Oh boy, I thought.  Now, those who might be reading this who know me know that I am a huge fan of Roller Derby and it is on my bucket list to be a Roller Girl.  I believe I have effectively reversed that desire and crossed it off the list. 

Raven and I went to the rink known as Roller Kingdom. (Really guys, you couldn't come up with something a bit more ... unique?)  When I was a kid, my dad took my siblings and I nearly ever Thursday for family night.  That was soooooo long ago.  I think the last time I was on skates was over 20 years ago, and I remember a few things.  And some of those things hasn't changed over time.  Back then, it was known as King's Skate Country.

1. The building interior is almost exactly the same!
    That's right.  There has been very little change to the interior of the place, as I remember it.  Even the floor is the same.  Actually, I thin it's gotten worse.  Hey guys, do us all a favor and replace the surface before we all fall down! Sheeesh!

2. They still play the same lame games!
    Yep, Red Light, Green Light.  Simon Says.  All the games are still the same.  Hey guys, you COULD try changing it up a little bit.  I'm sure that over the last twenty years or so there have been some new skating games invented.

3. The DJs are still as snarky as ever!
    Yep.  The DJs still cheat at pretty much every game and good luck trying to get a request in.  I guess that's what comes from being young and full of themselves.

4. The concession stand still carries ring pops!
    Among other things, the food is still the same as it was when it was King's Skate Country.  At least, from what I remember.  And it's still as expensive as ever.

5. The lighting is as it used to be.
    While there have probably been a few updates to the lighting over the rink, there is still that same star pattern of light bulbs above the center of the rink.  And kids still go to the center of the rink to pretend to be cool.

So, back to the skate night with Raven.  It had been so long since I had been on skates that I had a difficult time even getting across the carpet. I thought I was going to fall down and break an ankle!

Raven is on the left.

After about a half hour of watching Raven skate around the rink I decided I wasn't going to let her show me up.  I timidly went to one of the openings to the rink.  After waiting for an opening, I decided it was time to just get out there and do it.  Slowly, ever so slowly, I made my way into the skating traffic, and after once lap around, I got off the floor.  I guess I'm not as good of shape as I thought.  Okay, who am I kidding?  I'm in horrible shape, but at least I went out there.

Raven saw me skating and gave me a high five as she went around the rink again with a new girl friend.  I was happy that she was having fun.  Eventually, I found my skating legs once more and I believe I ended up going around the rink about nine times total in the span of about two hours.  Yeah, not very much, but I am sure I looked like a wobbly bird going so slowly like one who hasn't learned to fly yet.  Yikes, that's a scary thought.

Proof that I put them on!

By the time I finally got comfortable with skating again, Raven was tired and wanted to go home.  I don't blame her, and I didn't want to overdo it, either.  But, I am going back, tonight in fact, to skate some more.  It's a great workout and good for the legs and the core, especially the way I skate.

Perhaps being a roller girl isn't out of my reach yet after all!

Mental Stress and Kung Fu

As I write this, it is snowing lightly.  Really??! Umm.. Hey! Momma Nature, it's spring, didn't You know?  Please adjust accordingly, thanks!

Now that that's out of the way, I can continue writing about all the things going on in my life currently.  And boy howdy, there are a lot. 

I started a new job in December.  I work for an inventory service company as an inventory specialist.  That's a glorified way of saying that I count stuff for a living.  It pays crappy, and the hours are part time, but it was either that, or go nuts on the phones at the call center.  Oh yeah, that's right. I never blogged about my job there after I went back onto the phones.. lol..

To make a really long story short, I got promoted to the Senior level for their inaugural launch of the department.  I even got A.C.M.T. certified for this job on the company's dime.  (No, I will not fix your Mac) I struggled with the job for several weeks and finally got my stats where they should be and then some, but the mental strain was horrific.  The breaking point came when I got stuck on a three hour long phone call with a woman who called me every name in the book even after I went above and beyond to help her with her 17 email addresses.  (My job is to make sure that the mail program works, that's it.)  My supervisor had gotten on the phone to listen to this woman berate me time and time again.  I finally hung up on her after ten too many times of swearing at me.  Needless to say, I called off work the next day.  I went back the day after that, but the call just wouldn't go away.  It haunted me for another few weeks and I finally decided that my sanity was more important than the money I was making.  I worked at that company for three years and eight months in four different departments.  I was very proud of what I accomplished there, but it was time to move on.

So, my new job is mindless and I don't have to work with the public in any way, shape, or form unless it is to tell them that I don't work for the store we are counting.  I'm very polite and professional when it comes to that because I've been there before, the one asking where the laundry soap is to a merchandiser who doesn't work for the store.  No big deal.

Raven, my beautiful Raven.  Due to other circumstances, she has gone to live with a friend of mine and her family for a while.  She has been there since last June.  She is thriving and even made student of the month and student of the week in the school she is in.  She is in first grade now and still as smart as ever with the personality to match!  I miss her dearly, but for the time being, I know that she is in the place she needs to be to get the best care that she can get.  I am just grateful to have friends willing to help me out in the difficult time that I was and am still having.

I had to move out of my apartment due to financial reasons (this was before I quit my job at the call center) and I moved into a house with five other roommates.  Five??  Yeah. It's not the best living situation especially when you consider that there are two bathrooms, but only one working shower, so getting in when I need to isn't always easy, but I make due.  I did spend a short bit of time looking for a new place, but decided that I couldn't afford it at the present time, so for now I'm staying here. 

I mentioned in a previous blog that I joined a gym several months ago and I am proud to say that between working out and my new job, which is physically demanding, I have lost about fifteen pounds. I have another 15 or so go go before I reach my first goal and then another 20 after that to reach my target weight.  Honestly, I think I am doing really well, all things considered.

Guess who is back in school!  Yes, yours truly.  Ever since I quit the Business program at Kaplan I have been wanting to go back, but was putting it off and putting it off.  One of my friends encouraged me to go back so I did some research on majors.  I was so tired of seeing the same old crap....business, psychology, human resources, etc. I wanted to be in a field that was semi-different.  Yes, we all know how I like to be "different".  My top two majors have always been forestry and forensic science.  I did my research on forestry, which I could have taken, but I would have had to move to a town five hours away, and I really didn't want to do that.  While I was researching the colleges that provided online education (campus college just wasn't in the cards for me) I came across Criminal Justice with an emphasis on forensic science.  Sweet!  So, that's what I'm studying now.  My first class opened up today, but doesn't officially start until Monday.  I am nervous, excited, scared and enthused all at the same time.  So, in other words, I'm still in chaos..lol.. I don't think that will ever change.

In the words of Styx "I've got too much time on my hands.." was a mantra that was definitely the case before, but certainly not now.  My works hours are sporadic at best and never the same times of day, etc, so I have had to start relying on my not-so-smart smartphone and it's calendar to help me keep track of work times and such.  I've entered in all of my blocks of time that I have set aside for school, which I know will be a lot more than what I have put in, but it's a start.  I have also set aside blocks of personal time.  If I don't get that, I'll go nuts. 

I have also started the Hundred Hours Project to which I encourage everyone to join in on.  Yes, I will always put the link for the project in all of my blogs that pertain specifically to it because I believe that it is a worthy endeavor. My acquaintance that runs it is an awesome person and I appreciate her bring this project to light.  My project is going to be returning to Wing Chun Kung Fu.  Now I have the motivation to get it done, no excuses.  I have had to schedule that in along with school and other personal time, but now I don't have too much time on my hands... My first class back will be next Thursday as the days before are filled with work at the times the studio holds its classes. But, I will be starting!

Wow! I think that's it for now.  Really?  And, look at that!  It quit snowing.  I may actually get into the garden area once or twice again before the end of next week.  That's something I started up again the other day when the weather was really nice.  I love gardening, but those who have been following me for a while already know that.  Pics to come, of course.

So really, that is it for now.  Stay tuned for more updates and chaotic ramblings from the mind of one Onyx of DarkLite....

Garden, Daycare and Soldier Mail

It's been a while since I wrote last.  It's been a busy several days.

I have been busy handmaking cards for a Soldiers' Angels card signing this Sunday.  It probably won't be a very big event, I am having a small info booth at a business yard sale, but I do hope to get the word out about SA nonetheless.  People will be able to get information about SA as well as write words of gratitude or thanks on a card for one of our heroes.  I have made over 100 cards, which may not seem like a whole lot, but that will be over 100 heroes who will get extra encouraging words from home.  And who knows perhaps we will get a few more volunteers to adopt a hero.

I've gotten a few letters and an email from some heroes.  It always makes me smile whenever I do hear back from someone I've written.  Speaking of which, I am a little behind on sending out my letters.  I reduced my name intake to 6 names per week instead of 14.  It was just getting unmanageable.  On the bright side, a friend of mine gave me a printer.  An older printer, but one that will work with my mac mini, so I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth.  The only thing I need is to get the cable from her that connects the printer to the computer, and I'll be all set.  She even hooked me up with four extra cartridges of ink.  I'm doing the happy dance.  With that, I will probably be able to increase my names every week.

Concerning my garden; I guess I don't have as green of a thumb as I thought.  For the most part, the plants are doing good, but the heat hardy marigolds haven't liked this cold spell one bit and they are mostly dead.  I was warned about that, so I have no one to blame except myself.  It has been raining a lot, so they probably drowned.  They are only supposed to be watered a few times a week.

The swimming pool did end up coming back even though I leveled it out.  I decided that I needed to take more drastic measures, so I went to home Depot and bought a few of those clamshell border rocks.  So far, they have been working great.  I wish I had thought of that sooner.  And, even though they only border most of one side, they still look good.

Raven's daycare is closing at the end of April.  This is both bad and good.  Bad because, well I hate to see any business close down...bad because they were a great daycare/preschool and Raven learned a LOT of things there and made a few good friends.  Good because I will be enrolling her in the daycare program that is on the school premises where she will be attending kindergarten this year.  I am hoping that she will be getting to know some of the kids in her class before she gets there.  There's nothing like being the new girl and not knowing anyone.  Raven isn't that shy, but I also don't want to put her in that position if I don't have to.  The bad thing is that she will only be going to that site until the end of the current school season.  They don't have a summer session there anymore, so I will have to transfer her to a different site that does.  My friends who pick her up for me on Thursdays and Fridays are going to kill me...lol  When the school season starts, Raven will go back to her school and have care before and after school on the days I work.  When I don't work, I will get a few hours in the afternoon all to myself.  Whatever will I do with myself!!

I think that is all the updates I actually have.  Sad, isn't it?  Thanks for sticking with me.  I really need to do something more exciting with my life.

Good morning faithful readers. All three of you. hehe... Well, here I am again with more chaotic ramblings.

The last few days have been pretty good. On Tuesday I worked, which sucked, but we've all got to do that, right? Actually, work is ok for the most part, just not very challenging anymore.

Yesterday was filled with all sorts of adventures. I walk/jogged my first day of C25K. See my other blog for more info on that. Afterward Raven and I went to Bella's Grove and dropped of my PC so that an acquaintance of mine could take a look at it. I hope that all it needs is a power supply. That shouldn't be too hard to come by or replace. Wish me luck on that. I hope that at the very least I will have enough oomph in it to save the pictures that are on it from last year. Everything else is replaceable.

The visit at Bella's Grove turned out to be irritating. There is a girl who frequents there, whom I will call....Loxie... and I cannot stand her. Loxie has this irritating need to be the center of attention everywhere. Usually I don't want to hug her, touch her or be near her. I didn't want to look like a total bitch yesterday, so I gave her a hug. Gah! Things were fine for a while after that. I spent most of my time talking to another friend who was there.

Loxie just had to push my pet peeve button. No one but me raises their voice to Raven. If I think she's doing something wrong, then I will say so. No one else. Now, that's not to say that I am against other people warning her of things that are not right. I really don't have eyes in the back of my head after all. But getting mad at Raven for being a kid is not something I tolerate well, and I told Loxie as much when she got upset at her for nothing, really. That was just the start of the irritating events of yesterday.

Loxie must not have been getting enough of the attention because she decided to bring one of her cell calls to speaker phone. I won't get into the specifics of the call, but I will say that the entire thing was completely inappropriate. If this friend of Loxie's really needed help, Loxie could have have gone to the one that she really wanted to talk to privately and not dragged the rest of us into a pointless conversation.

Loxie's friend really sounded like she was high as a kite, and I told Loxie that the friend should stay off the drugs. Then Loxie accuses me of calling her friend a druggie, which I didn't, but I wasn't the only one to make that judgement about her friend. First impressions are a bitch, aren't they!

I really wanted to send Loxie a message letting her know exactly how I feel about her, but I don't want to that come off as ...weak. I have a hard time formulating spoken words instantly. Usually my written words come out more eloquent. What I really want to say to her is that I don't like her; her energy is one that irritates me to no end, and there is a reason why I don't want her touching me, not even for a pinky shake. Who the hell does that anymore anyway? I would also tell her that she is extremely obnoxious and that I'm not the only person who feels that way. She is difficult to be around and it is frustrating that she feels the need to always be the center of attention. Even Raven is not THAT bad. There are other ways to get noticed than being in someone's face like that all the time. And, I know this. I used to be just like her when I was younger until someone set me straight, to my face, that I was irritation, annoying, and that was why no one wanted to be around me. Perhaps I will send a letter to her or talk to her about it. I don't want to crush anyone's spirit, but she needs to know about her irritating personality. And that she should never try to hug me again.

If that makes me cold, so be it.

After we left Bella's Grove (upset and irritated) Raven and I went to get some dinner and then to home. After dinner I put on some music and finished some post cards that I am sending to other Angels for their projects. I got the stack of mail together and dropped it off at the front desk of work this morning. It makes me feel good to do things like that for other people.

Raven fell asleep rather early last night, so I got her jammies on and put her to bed. I stayed up to watch Vacancy which is comparable to Psycho on steroids. I love horror movies, and it was just as freaky this time around as it was the first time. Perhaps that's just me.

Raven woke up after that and wasn't tired. Go figure. It was about 10pm. So I thought we could use a "feel good" movie after all that horror. I put on Disney's Sword in the Stone, and about halfway through I couldn't stay up any longer. I left Raven to put herself to sleep, which she does rather well on these occasions. She woke up today with no issues at all, and actually woke herself up. That's rare, even on days I get to sleep in.

I've been thinking more about signing up for that certificate program for event/wedding planning. I just need to figure out how I can fit the payments into my budget. The course is accredited, but I don't think that there would be any grants or scholarships available for something like this. I don't know. Perhaps I will check into it. I just know that along with the physical changes I am trying to make, I also want to make career changes as well. I do not want to be stuck in this office forever doing mind-numbing work for the rest of my life. I know I can do better.

I think that's it for the ramblings today. As always, thanks for reading. Please subscribe and also do not miss my C25K blog. There's a link at the top of the right hand column.

Remember that you are judged by the company you keep. No matter how good of a person you might actually be.


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