This past week was Burning Man. If you have never heard of Burning Man, you should check it out. It isn't for me. Too many people for my introverted nature and this year was exceptionally hot and those conditions are just not for me. But, that isn't really why I'm writing, either.
I took many Burners to the airport after the week ended. Many couples. Many couples who live apart for whatever reason. I observed many goodbyes and it got me to thinking about how so very lonely I have become in the last few years. I realized that I miss someone missing me. Someone to come back to, to give strong bear hugs to and receive from. At one point I had to wipe away a tear.
Like everyone else, I am filled with insecurities. But, for me, I am having trouble either accepting them or ignoring them in order for me to be more comfortable around larger groups of people. It is strange because I have absolutely zero issue chatting up those who enter my car. Why can't I take that confidence with me into public places?
I have tried the online dating thing. I even recently reactivated one of my profiles, but as usual, the only people that show interest in my profile are either way too young, way too old, or simply not my type. It is difficult because I know what I don't want in a relationship. And, I know what I want. I am flexible, but there are certain things that I have hard limits to. Excessive video gaming is one. I have been in relationships with guys that game a lot and it just didn't work out. I won't do that every again.
I would simply love to find a friend. A travel companion. An activity partner. A conversationalist. An uplifter of spirits. A motivator. A confidante. A shoulder to cry on. Someone I can leave notes for. Someone I can uplift and motivate. Live life with. Sheesh, now I just sound sappy.
So, my dating life is at a halt, as has been the way for quite some time. And I can't stand it. But, only I can change it. I get that. I think I'm doomed.
That does it. I'm getting out to sing tonight.
