Plan Z

So, as of right now, I am going to implement the tertiary plan that I have designed.  This keeps me in my current job, but I'll be able to get more hours and possibly be able to make a halfway decent living wage.  At least, when it is the busy season.  I am not going to stop looking for a job in my field of study or at least something close to it.  Or, at least a job that will be of decent pay. 

I have calculated a potential income of what this tertiary plan would bring, and honestly, it would bring more than working full time at a job that paid less.  Although, to be fair, I would have to work a minimum of 30 hours per week in order for that to be true.  There are weeks when that simply doesn't happen.  Then there are other weeks when there are a lot more hours than anyone can actually handle and still remain healthy and sane.  I need these hours, though, in order to begin paying student loans that are due and try to save money for a bigger place. Raven keeps asking when she's going to get her own room.  It's just not going to happen right now.

Such is the lot I drew for myself when I quit my job at the call center to take this position nearly three years ago.  Wow! Has it been that long already? Almost, but not quite.

Everything seems to be crashing down around me, and not bits at a time, but in whole chunks.  I would have been okay if it not for that alternator going out a few days ago.  But, now my account is severely overdrawn, I'm still not getting any real hours at work.  The hours that I will be getting paid for these past few weeks won't cover the overages in my bank account, so that leaves me with no gas money and no way to pay my water bill, which is already two months overdue.  If I had to choose an image to describe how I feel right now, it would be this:

My tertiary plan better work because if it doesn't... well, I don't want to think about what would happen if it doesn't work.

Please don't think that I am only focusing on the negative.  I am very much aware of all of the wonderful things I have to be thankful for.  Falcon, for instance.  He's been really amazing this past year.  Understanding, generous and kind.  Willing to listen and giving me a shoulder to lean on when I needed it most. 

And, of course Raven, who never seems to be out of ways to bring laughter into my life.  And, Falcon's life.  It is so funny watching them together and hearing him laugh at some of the strange things Raven says sometimes. 

I know that it can't rain all the time.  I look forward to the time when the sun shines once more.....

I Always Have a Plan...

....even if the plan doesn't quite work out the way I want.  I have not given up on the current plan, but I also have a backup just in case.  After that, I am not so sure. 

I am still confident that I will get this new job I applied for earlier.  I have yet to hear back on the other county job that said I would go testing.  So, I haven't tested for that yet.  And, I never heard back from the first job I did test for and got on the list for.  I wonder about that sometimes.  How much of a nag must one be in order to succeed?

It is almost coming to the time when I need to start looking outside the state for work.  I can't even keep my checking account in the black, much less have money to actually move somewhere for work.  And, do I really want to drag Raven out of her home once again?  Drag her to yet another state where she would have to start all over again? If it were just me, I would have put my other plan in place long ago.  But, it's not. 

And, I don't really want to leave Falcon behind.  We have been together a year this coming Sunday, and it's been a great year.  He would tell me, probably, that I should do what I need to do.  We had talked about me leaving to work in California, if that's what it took for me to succeed.  It's not that far away, after all.  Perhaps I should do that.  Bigger cities tend to have more jobs, etc.  I don't really care for Sacto weather, but I do have friends there still.

There is a lot swimming around in my head, not the least of which is giving up.  But, we can't have that.  It's not in my nature.  Actually, it is, which is why I don't want to do it anymore.  Giving up, that is. 

I think about what I REALLY want to do, which is to be a party planner, but I can't see how there's much money to be made doing that.  I wish I was more creative.  More crafty, but my aptitude for art is minimal.  I look at friends of mine, near and far, who are successful at doing what they want, going against the norm, etc.  I wonder what's wrong with me.  Nothing, they'd say.  Perhaps they'd say that I lack the drive or determination.
 

God, I'm getting too old for this. 

Even right this moment I'm researching colleges that teach bizarre things, such as stenography.   I think I'm going to do something mind-numbing for a while. 

I guess I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up......

Fate, Karma, and Faith

I had my second interview for a dispatching position.  The manager was really nice and we had a great conversation.  Most of the time I get really nervous during interviews, but today it wasn't like that.  Even when he asked me to tell him something about myself, I had no difficulty with that.  Usually that it the question that stumps me the most.  I am crossing my fingers that I get the position. 

We had talked about what the hours were like.  They aren't going to be four tens like I thought at first, but five 8 hour shifts.  Not a big deal for me.  Then we talked about the starting and ending times.  Eep.  Well, no matter.  I have coverage for Raven, even for the rest of school.  It is amazing how things work out sometimes. 

I know they will call me soon. 

It will be a grand new adventure.  I will miss my time at RGIS, but I learned so many valuable things during my time there.  That I CAN be a leader.  That I CAN be a teacher.  That I CAN be a positive influence in the work place.  Well, that last one I already knew, but it is a good reminder. 

Thank you, Universe.  Now, follow through!

What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up? Who Knows...

I'm frustrated.  Frustrated with my life, with myself.  I know that I have to be patient, but that patience only goes so far.  I look at where I am and think to myself that I should have been so much further than this.  I have a part-time job that is less than that at the moment because heaven forbid that a single mom can get any help with early morning daycare and have their kids to school on time and be to work at a decent hour.  Without early morning care, I do not have the opportunity for the majority of the work that my company does.  And, working night is out of the question on most nights.

So, I am resigned to finding a new job that is more compatible with my life, such that it is.  Don't get me wrong.  I really enjoy the job that I have now.  I even just got a raise a few weeks ago, but if I don't get any hours, the money means nothing.  As of now, I am only scheduled for one day for the next three weeks.  I'm screwed.



I had applied for a job at the beginning of April.  I never heard back after I got the test results back.  Perhaps they found the candidates they were looking for.  I was #19 on the list, after all.  It could be that they will call me soon.  I can't wait forever.  I need to get my life in gear.  I'm not getting any younger.

So, I went on the job hunt again.  I know about the law of averages.  The trouble is that for every two hundred jobs I look at, I might find one that I fit their minimum requirements for.  I really want to put this degree to good use, and so far it has been worthless.  So far.... I am not completely condemning it. 

Speaking of which, I actually thought about going back to school for another degree.  I want to do something with this world.  I looked at several degrees at both TMCC and UNR.  But, who am I kidding?  The degrees that are interesting and fall within my interest require so much science that it isn't even funny.  I barely passed high school biology and had to be taken out of chemistry my senior year.  I ended up in study hall instead.  I guess it was better that than not graduate due to crappy grades.  I'm not a science-minded individual.  And, aren't I a little bit old to be thinking about pursuing another degree that is just going to put me deeper in debt?

But, back to the job hunt.  I did apply for a few jobs today.  Local ones even.  And, I got an email back already saying that I get to take the test for one of them.  Since it is the same company for which I applied in April, I can only assume that it will be a similar test.  I guess this will be the chance to improve upon my score.  Or, perhaps it will be a completely different test.  We can only wait to see.  Either way, I really need to land one of these jobs.  And, I know how it goes.  When I do finally find a job, I will get calls from all of the other places that I applied to.  Thank you, Murphy!

What I do know is that my strengths lay in being the behind-the-scenes person.  Such as on the phones.  I didn't hate my job at Teleperformance, but I also didn't like being yelled at.  I can take a lot, but that last call was just too much.  It isn't something I will ever forget.  I do know that I communicate better when I'm not right in front of someone, such as behind this keyboard for instance.  But, for the most part I know that I can do well in any one of these jobs that I have applied for.  I just need a bit of fortune to get it!

So, wish me luck, if it pleases you.  I could use all the help I can get at this point.