...until now. The Universe seems to take away things just when I start to be happy. It really isn't fair and makes me wonder why I try at all to reach happiness.
And the last few weeks have been filled with things that have turned my life into one big ball of chaos and pain.
First, I thought I'd finally found someone whose crazy matched mine. We had a great first date and later on that week we went, with Raven, to see a concert and I thought we had a great time. After, though, he stopped returning my texts and messages. Yes, I got the message, but I already have abandonment issues, and I really wanted to know why he did that.
Fast forward to a few days after that. I was working in the morning. It was a day like most others. I picked up a passenger and then I was struck. By an SUV. I will admit to the accident being my fault. I though we were at a four-way stop and it wasn't. I stopped, and I looked, but that SUV came out of nowhere and struck us broadside. We spun out of the intersection and into the field on the corner. I can still see the headlights in my driver side window moments before and I will never doubt anyone with PTSD (not that I really did anyway).
I was in pain. Lots of it, not knowing that I had fractured two of my back ribs. My passenger, who was sitting in the back seat behind the passenger side, thank goodness, ended up with lower back pain, but otherwise I think undamaged. We rode together in the same ambulance to the emergency room. I never saw her after that.
I tried to call the guy in the first paragraph. I left a message and he never answered. I knew he was off that day, so not answering and not calling me back was a sure sign that our very short acquaintanceship was definitely over. I couldn't believe that he wouldn't even call me back to find out if I was okay.
I did manage to find a friend to pick me up and I felt bad because I was a half hour away, at least, from where she lived. Actually, I had a lot of friends offer me rides, and caring words. I really needed those at that point. And one of my friends, who I love to the end of the world and back, set this up for me. If you are able, please help out. If not, would you mind sharing?
I was frightened, in pain, and worried about Raven, who was at home, alone, in school. Needless to say that she was concerned for me when I was able to get in touch with her.
I called my mom as well. There was nothing she could do being several states away, but I felt that my family should know. I didn't call my dad until a few days after I got home. Which was later that same day I was admitted. After all, there is nothing anyone can do with fractured ribs. You just suck it up, buttercup.
Sleeping has been quite difficult. The fractured ribs are in the back so laying down is impossible. I tried it the first night I was back. Nope. I've had to sleep sitting up on my loveseat, which is not that comfy to begin with. It's been that way for just over a week now, and I cannot seem to get any real sleep. I will try again tonight to sleep in my own bed, but chances are good that it will not work out.
Because I have had to sleep sitting up, my legs have become swollen. I am hoping that the more active I get, the less swollen they will become, but it is getting to the point of leg pain, and that's never good for anyone. The emergency room doctors suggested that I schedule a follow-up visit with a clinic to make sure that I'm healing okay. I might just do that and see if they can give me any other advice for ridding myself of the swollen legs and ankles.
A different friend gave me a ride out to the tow yard to get pictures of my car. I should have gotten my stuff right there, but I was still in excruciating pain and wasn't thinking straight. I did get my delivery bags, because hey, I've got to get back to work at some point, right? I about fainted when I saw the damage to my car. To say I got broadsided would be an understatement. At least to me. The damage was extensive, and one of the several people I spoke to about my car did say he was surprised that I only ended up with the minimal amount of bodily damage that I did. (Easy for him to say..lol) I do know that I am very lucky to have walked away.
I did go out today to a different yard to pick up the rest of my things. I had a very difficult time looking at my car. And, it was only then that I looked at the damage on the inside. Yes, I was very lucky. I thought that someone might have taken my bags and the string of black lights that I kept on the back seats, but thankfully I found them in the trunk after I lowered the back seat. The trunk itself had been sealed off with tape to keep it closed.
I would say that the best part about the last few weeks is all the support that my friends and family have shown me. Without them, I am not sure where I would have ended up. There was talk about us moving in with my mom, but as much as I would have been okay with that, the move in itself would have been way more than I could handle alone right now. I am currently looking for a new job as driving right now, while not out of the question, is giving me some serious pause, and that's not a good state of mind to be in.
The next best part of the last few weeks was being able to attend a concert with my daughter who was super excited to see Strangelove (a Depeche Mode tribute band) and The Electric Duke (A David Bowie tribute artist). She danced and sang along with the songs she knew. At one point during The Electric Duke, they were having a slight tech issue so to fill the dead air, he told this joke: "What's brown and sticky?" and without missing a beat, Raven yelled out "A STICK!" and he looked at her, smiled and said that she knew what's what. :) That was so awesome. I don't think I'll forget that night for a while. I even danced quite a bit, and sadly, that will be my last dancing for a few months at least.
I am really upset about everything that has transpired over the last few weeks, but I do know this. I will survive. I did survive. And then there is always this:
So, I stay reminded that most of my life has been spent being knocked down, but yet, here I am getting back up once more. How many more times am I going to have to get back up from being knocked down? The Universe is not playing fairly. But at least I am not completely alone....
