One Year Has Just Flown By

Today it has been one year since Titan left this Earth.  It hardly seems like that much time has gone by.  In that time I have shed many tears for his passing.  I have finished my college education even though it looked like that for a time it might not happen.  I have met someone new and have developed a very loving, caring relationship with this person I lovingly refer to as Falcon. Raven has come back to live with me and is doing well.  Yes, there have been many things happen in this past year.

Some might say that I did not mourn Titan's death long enough or strong enough and how could I just move on like that after losing someone I had known practically my whole life?  Well, as a friend told me just today, people mourn in their own ways.  And that is true.  I think about Titan everyday.  I have his picture and his ashes on the top shelf of the bookcase.  I think about the times we did have together both last year and when we were younger.  He and I palled around during the Washington D.C. trip after our 8th grade year.  That was a very fun time that I will never forget. 

I remember dinners at his house, and the time he first started learning to play the drums.  He became quite good at it over the years and I am sad to say that I never got to see his band play.  I remember the times we went to sing karaoke and how much I miss hearing his voice singing Elvis or Stray Cats.  I think about how hard it was to sing his favorite songs just after he passed.  I can sing them now, but I still think about him every time I do. 

I found a folder of pictures on my computer a few weeks ago that I had set aside for his parents.  I did forward those to them, but forgot that they were there.  I looked through them and of course tears began to fall. 

Yesterday would have been his 40th birthday.  How awful is it not to be able to celebrate his birthday knowing that the next day was his death. 

I should probably send his parents an email or something.  Perhaps bring flowers to their house.  I don't know what etiquette dictates in situations like this.  Perhaps I will look it up online.  The almighty Google should unearth the answers I seek.

 Either way, today is a day unlike any other except for a deeper sense of memorium for Titan.  I miss him everyday.

In loving memory,

January 12th, 1975 - January 13th, 2014

Cupcakes and Career Hunting

I tried to post a test blog from my phone, but it sent it to the wrong blog section.  I haven't written anything in my Random Library Findings in a while, so I don't quite know why the writing went there.  Oh well. I deleted it and decided to write from the source, or my computer, as it were.  It's okay.  I like the ability to edit etc. from here anyway.

Raven has been on Winter Break for the last THREE weeks!  What school tortures their parents like this anyway!  When my friends in other states were saying that their kids were going back to school this past week I was very jealous.  Money has been tight to say the least, so we didn't really do much of anything over her break.  I can't wait until she goes back to school.  She is not looking forward to it.  What kid does, really, but she told me flat out "not to mention it".  Oh well. I mentioned it anyway.. lol

Raven and I have been spending a lot of time at Falcon's apartment for various reasons.  Firstly, because he was helping with her daycare while she was on break.  I couldn't afford the money to put her in the Boys and Girls Club over the break which rather broke my heart because I know she loves going there and participating in the various field trips and such.  She also has a lot of friends that attend the club.  She didn't get to spend as much time with her friends over the break as I would have liked, but scheduling conflicts and a mysterious deletion of one of her friend's parents' contacts made that impossible. 

The other reason is that something happened to my hot water heater.  It took my dad several days before the new one he replaced it with finally started working.  It was the strangest thing.  He thinks that there might have been something going on with the breaker.  And go figure, the day after it starts working again, the garbage disposal starts to leak.   I tell you, if it is not one thing, it's another!

I wish I would have thought of this earlier in the break, but I didn't.  I decided that each day or every other day as time allows, Raven is to pick something new that she wants to learn about or how to do and we will research and learn this new thing together.  Even if we don't "master" the subject in a day (who does that anyway!) at least it will get her exposed to something new everyday.  She is the one to pick the subject matter and together we will research and learn it. 

Yesterday she wanted to learn how to make marble cupcakes.  An interesting topic, so I found a recipe online.  I have never made marble cupcakes so this was a new experience for both of us.  Falcon bought the majority of the ingredients so we could embark on this endeavor.  He didn't mind as he got to eat the final product.  Raven and I also made chocolate butter frosting from scratch.  Sure, it might seem like something simple to do, but to a 9-year-old who hasn't done much, it was a really good experience for her.  I think she enjoyed herself.  She certainly had fun spinning the knife in the batter!

In other news, I have finally finished my resume and did a bit of job hunting.  I haven't applied yet as I am waiting for my career adviser to reassess my resume.  He's been helping me to get it ready for sending out.  I did find what seemed like a really good job.  The starting pay is really good and it is an entry level position.  It seemed like something that one gets into in order to advance within the company.  Perfect for someone like me! 

The only drawback that I can see is that this job would take me out of Reno.  I don't mind that so much.  I have moved fifty times in my life, but I finally have a relationship that I don't want to leave behind.  Falcon has been so good to Raven and I and I couldn't bear to not be with him.  We briefly talked about this when we first met.  About the possibility of me leaving.  I don't know how he feels about coming with me if I were to get a good job and have to move.  He's got friends here and a decent job.  I will have to talk with him further.  I really want him to come with me if that time ever comes. 

But, as I haven't applied for the job yet, I don't want to dwell on anything negative for now.  I will cross that bridge when the time comes, but it helps to be prepared.  I can't imagine myself going kayaking without paddles, so to speak.

I've been having a bit of difficulty with my vision as of late.  I believe that I just need to get my glasses updated properly, but the rate at which I get dizzy watching a television or movie screen has been overwhelming.  Falcon bought me Skyrim for Xmas and I can't

play it because I get too dizzy.  He says that it is a common occurrence, but what good is it to try to play when I just feel nauseous all the time?  But as I cannot get that taken care of until I get some extra money, and I won't get extra money until either I can work more hours at my current job or find the aforementioned better job, then I'll just have to wait.  I just hope that I don't get dizzy while I'm driving or something.

Time has flown by and I cannot believe that it has nearly been a year since Titan's passing.  I have been thinking about him a lot as of late.  Those thoughts have brought me to tears and I've had to excuse myself a few times.  I know Falcon knows the reason for the tears, but he is kind not to say anything.  Needless to say, 2014 had its horrible points, but also it brought some of the best things to my life that I have ever had.  I do hope that 2015 treats me better.  I will be writing something about Titan in the anniversary blog in a few days.  I should probably send an email to his parents to see how they are doing.  My plan was to go singing karaoke and sing Titan's favorite songs including the one that took me months before I could sing again.  I don't know if that will happen or not. 

I suppose that this is enough of a novella for now.  I plan on writing more frequently in 2015.  I have the time for now.  It really helps get things off my chest and out into the open.  I have no idea who reads this although I do know that there are a few who do.  If you are one who reads this please feel free to leave a comment.  Encouraging or otherwise.  It doesn't matter. 

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