Namaste and Welcome

I see you have chosen well, but be warned that my blog is exactly as it states... ramblings. You won't find this blog overly political, religious or much anything else. I write for me. Well, I write for you, the audience as well, but mainly for me. Would it surprise you to know that I've been keeping a hard diary since 1986? (yeah, I just dated myself.) Well, writing in the book has become painful, so I blog. I have many blogs on other sites, which is why this blog only has a mere few, but do know that I plan on maintaining this blog a bit more. I will probably not post a picture or use real names of any of my friends or family, if the blogs turn to that nature. There, you are forewarned.

Please do subscribe and enjoy the mindless babblings of the one otherwise known as Onyx of Darklite.......

Oh, and hey, would you mind feeding my fish at the bottom of the screen? Thanks!

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

An Update...

I spend so much time writing blogs, doing research for the two show I'm a part of that I hardly get the chance to write here anymore. 

The shows are going well although I have found myself slipping behind in my blogs for Erosion Factory. I didn't even get the ones out for this week, and although that's a bad mark on my part, I know that I will get to them when I have the time. Today, though I am taking time to write about myself.  I don't think that's too much to ask....

Raven is doing well. It's summer break, finally, and she is loving not having to go to school. I swear that this district is the last in the nation to take summer break.  They only get six weeks and begin the next school year in the middle of August.  But no matter. She's on break right now, and that's all that she cares about.

I've been really depressed the last several months.  I'm not quite sure why, exactly, but some of it might have to do with being lonely so much. I don't really have any in the way of friends that I spend a lot of time with, except for Falcon, and even then, usually it's only to see him before I take him to work. So rarely do we spend any friend time together.  I'm not even sure I know what that means anymore.  I don't have any female friends to spend any friend time with.  And again, I have no idea what that really means. 

I've been in a place of spiritual awareness, and realizing that I have gone back to my religious roots.  Don't worry. I'm not going on a bible thumping spree anytime soon, but lately I have been wondering if I'm on the right path or not.  Honestly, who knows.  But I do know that something has to change or else I'm going to continue on this emotionally self-destructive path.  I have no idea what it's like to laugh at something funny.  What is funny anyway?

I'm working part time for a background screening company. I enjoy the job for various reasons.  It's flexible, laid back and I've even gotten to start taking work home with me, mostly so that I can be home for Raven during the summer weeks when I'm not able to send her to the Club.  It's been nice and I couldn't ask for a nicer boss or coworkers.

This blog spent several days in "draft" form and I'm just now coming back to it. I've edited some things, but the gist of the blog remains the same. I haven't been able to kick these blue feelings and I fear that if I am not able to do something about it that it might end up disastrous.  No, I don't plan on checking out early, but emotionally this has had a horrible effect.  I've gained a lot of weight and it's just dragging me down even further.  Sure, I could maybe do something about it, but the motivation just isn't there.....

I'm sure this is just a phase, but honestly, the blue phases haven't ever lasted quite so long and I would really like to find a way to clear the negative energy.  I know I'll be okay in the end, but I fear how much damage my state of mind might be doing to Raven. I'm not motivated to get out of the house too often, not even to get her out to the park, although we did go for a short while the other evening.  I know she enjoyed that.



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