One would think that after nearly 40 years, one would get used to the feelings. They are familiar, and they are also horrible. No one should have to endure them, and most of the time they are forgotten until something or someone brings them up again. I've tried to get over these feelings, they are horrible.
I'm still here, and I'll still be enduring these awful, depressing feelings until long after they cease to matter. I've tried to grow my duck feathers, but this instance is not rolling off my back as easily as the others. It's harder when it's family that causes it.
But, I refuse to take the coward's way out, even though I really want to sometimes.
No. I have to keep enduring. I have to keep making the choices that will keep me on this planet for just a little while longer....
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