Out of Control Spiral

I know we've all been there, but I am going to blog about this anyway because blogging helps me get the chaos into some semblance of order.  I feel like I'm spiraling out of control.  No, it's not a drug spiral although sometimes I feel like that would be easier. Ok, not really.

Anyone who has been following my blogs knows that I work some pretty funky hours.  During the time that I'm not working I volunteer at the VA hospital and I do volunteer work with Soldiers' Angels.   Someone told me to be careful that I didn't spread myself too thin with everything that I'm doing.  I thought that I was doing great, and in the beginning, I was.  I was motivated to write letters, put together care packages, send out post cards and all that wonderful stuff that goes along with being an "angel".  Don't get me wrong. I still LOVE being a Soldiers' Angel, but there are times when I feel unmotivated to do much.

I think the real reason I am feeling so very down is because my apartment is STILL a mess.  I have also been working tirelessly on my costume for the midsummer festival.  A lot of people have helped me work on and pay for the components for the costume.  Pictures to come.  I don't feel like I deserve all the help that my friends have given me for this.  I guess I have a hard time dealing with that because I have always been the one to do everything for myself, whether I have friends or not, in a relationship or not.  I suppose that is another story.

I dropped the ball the other day with a project that I was going to try to help out with.  I ended up not being able to go and do what I said I was going to do, and that really irritates me.  I didn't keep the line of communication open and even though it looks like the project will still go forward, I still feel bad about dropping the proverbial ball.

The Midsummer festival is this Sunday so after that I won't have to worry about my costume anymore.  Actually, my part in the construction is finished.  The only thing left is the wings, and my friend working on them will be done by Sunday so I'm not worried so much about it.  They are looking great.  I can't wait for the festival.  It will be so much fun.

Ok, so I know that I'm not feeling very good because my apartment isn't clean.  I know that I had gotten all excited about doing spring cleaning a few weeks ago, but I never got around to finishing it.  I have loads and loads of laundry to do and even though I weeded my garden a few days ago, it needs it again already.

Some of you might say that I need to take a break and take some time for myself.  Well, I already did that when I went to Utah.  I put all my SA stuff on hold for the most part.  I also think that is the reason that I'm not feeling as together.  I am now having to regain the momentum that I once had.  It's not as easy as I thought it would be.  But, no matter.

I think I'll end with that.  Thanks for reading.

::endtransmission::