A Bright Light Has Dimmed...

Thomas Lee Berner II.  Those who have been following my journals knew him only as Titan.  And he passed away early on January 13th, 2014 due to a heart attack brought on by his body's inability to fight everything else that was going on.  He went into the emergency room on New Year's Eve and was admitted for pneumonia.  Two days later he was sent to the ICU and intebated and put into a chemically induced coma to allow his body to fight of the H1N1 flu that he had actually contracted.  On the 10th his fever spiked to 104 after being at over 102 the first few days he was in the hospital and then over 100 for the majority of his time in the ICU.  After spiking to 104 his kidneys began to fail.  They were doing everything they could to keep him alive.  Around 2am on the 13th, he had a heart attack and passed away.  He was in a lot of pain and from what I understood there was nothing more they could do for him.  I didn't get to say goodbye.

Tom was an incredible man who did a lot more in his 39 years of life then a lot of people I know combined.  He was a musician who excelled at drums as well as singing and other instruments.  He was well-traveled having gone to several places in this world.  He had wonderful stories to tell.  He was an EMT, a cook, a real estate agent and most of all, he was a very loving father to his daughter, 17, and his son, 3.  I can only imagine what they are going through right now.

He was creative and funny and so very talented. He had dreams of owning his own restaurant one day.  He was an extraordinary cook and I often teased him that he overfed me.  I gained a lot of weight when he cooked, but it was worth it.  We had dreams of running a place together.

I have known Tom since the 8th grade. He is one of the people still in my life that I have known the longest. We were in band together and we became very good friends.  Although our lives went down separate paths after our freshman year, we reconnected as seniors and dated for a short time.  Our paths separated once again, but we found each other once more via Facebook. (Oh, the joys of technology.)  We remained in contact, and that eventually led me back home to Reno and to him.  Our time together was very short, but very powerful and extremely special.  Our relationship was by no means perfect, but we always found that love overcame everything else and petty arguments be damned.

He always had kind words to say to just about everyone and he treated everyone with respect.  Most of all, he treated me like a princess, and I can honestly say that there are very few who have done that in my life.  I finally found happiness in a relationship and now it's gone.  There are times when I think the Universe has it out for me.  But enough about that.

When Tom sang, he got people on their feet dancing. He could sing Elvis like no other that I know.  At the Cal Neva, he always got the approval from the crowd, high fives from perfect strangers and I'll never forget the songs we sang together.  Our song was "The Promise" by When in Rome.  It fit us so perfectly, and he told me that he'd always thought of us when he heard that song.  His favorite song that I sang was "Uninvited" by Alanis Morrissette, so if you ever hear me singing that song, know that I am singing it for him always.

He was the bright light in the darkness that was my mind and soul.  He understood me like very few do.  He accepted me for who I was and did not try to change me very much.  We compromised a lot and that is what made our relationship work for us.  He was very open-minded and willing to try just about anything. 


There were many who prayed, lit candles, sent healing energy and begged the higher powers to make everything right again.  The Universe had other plans in mind, I guess.  Thank you for all who prayed, lit candles and sent healing energy.  One of his friends at Rail City even grabbed my hands and said a prayer right there at the counter on two occasions.  They truly cared about him there.  

I have probably cried ten thousand tears in the last few hours and millions more since the early hours of this morning.  I know that my tears are not done falling.  They may never be fully done.  I finally understand the old cliche that states that part of me died when he did.  I doubt that I will ever get that part of me back. Tears fall so freely for me on a normal basis anyway that these are starting to physically hurt.

I loved him with all my heart.  Friends described him as funny, sweet, great, and generous.  He will be missed terribly although I know that he'll remain alive as long as his memory survives in those that knew and loved him. He is survived by his parents, his sisters, his kids, friends, extended family and me.

Rest in peace, my love.
Thomas Lee Berner II  January 12, 1975 to January 13th 2014